41
" That is because you don't yet know how to deal with time," said Wen. "But I will teach you to deal with time as you would deal with a coat, to be worn when necessary and discarded when not."
"Will I have to wash it?" said Clodpool.
Wen gave him a long, slow look.
"That was either a very complex piece of thinking on your part, Clodpool, or you were just trying to overextend a metaphor in a rather stupid way. Which, do you think, it was?"
Clodpool looked at his feet. Then he looked at the sky. Then he looked at Wen.
"I think I am stupid, master."
"Good," said Wen. "It is fortuitous that you are my apprentice at this time, because if I can teach you, Clodpool, I can teach anyone. "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
42
" And, er, these stories about you..."
"Oh, all true. Most of them. A bit of exaggeration, but mostly true."
"The one about the Citadel in Muntab and the Pash and the fish bone?"
"Oh, yes."
"But how did you get in where half a dozen armed and trained men couldn't even - ?"
"I am a little man and I carry a broom," said Lu-Tze simply. "Everyone has some mess that needs clearing up. What harm is a man with a broom?"
"What? And that was it?"
"Well, the rest was a matter of cookery, really. The Pash was not a good man, but he was a glutton for his fish pie."
"No martial arts?" said Lobsang.
"Oh, always a last resort. History needs shepherds, not butchers."
"Do you know okidoki?"
"Just a lot of bunny-hops."
"Shittake?"
"If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside."
"Upsidazi?"
"A waste of good bricks."
"No kando?"
"You made that one up. "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
44
" That was a dhlang!" he said. "An evil spirit! The peasants down in the valleys hang up charms against them! But I thought they were just a superstition!"
"No, they're a substition," said Susan. "I mean they're real, but hardly anyone really believes them. Mostly everyone believes in things that aren't real. Something very strange is going on. Those things are all over the place, and they've got bodies. That's not right. We've got to find the person who built the clock - "
"And, er, what are you, Miss Susan?"
"Me? I'm...a schoolteacher."
She followed his gaze to the wrench that she still carried in her hand, and shrugged.
"It can get pretty rough at break time, can it?" said Lobsang. "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
45
" There have been complaints?' said Miss Susan.
'Er, no ... er ... although Miss Smith has told me that the children coming up from your class are, er, restless. Their reading ability is, she says, rather unfortunately advanced ...'
'Miss Smith thinks a good book is about a boy and his dog chasing a big red ball,' said Miss Susan. 'My children have learned to expect a plot. No wonder they get impatient. We're reading Grim Fairy Tales at the moment.'
'That is rather rude of you, Susan.'
'No, madam. That is rather polite of me. It would have been rude of me to say that there is a circle of Hell reserved for teachers like Miss Smith.'
'But that's a dreadf---' Madam Frout stopped, and began again. 'You should not be teaching them to read at all yet!' she snapped. [...] 'I mean,' the headmistress mumbled, 'childhood is a time for play and---'
'Learning,' said Miss Susan.
'Learning through play,' said Madam Frout, grateful to find familiar territory. 'After all, kittens and puppies---'
'---grow up to be cats and dogs, which are even less interesting,' said Miss Susan, 'whereas children should grow up to be adults.'"
[...]
'What precisely was it you wanted, madam?' she said. It's just that I've left the class doing algebra, and they get restless when they've finished.'
'Algebra?' said Madam Frout [...] 'But that's far too difficult for seven-year-olds!'
'Yes, but I didn't tell them that and so far they haven't found out,' said Susan. "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
49
" You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.
BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.
"Excuse me?" said the shining figure in white.
But you are all alone here!
"Excuse me?"
YES? said Death. WHAT IS IT?
"This is the Apocalypse, yes?" said the shining figure petulantly.
WE ARE TALKING.
"Yes, right, but is it the Apocalypse? The actual end of the actual whole world?"
No, said the Auditor.
YES, said Death. IT IS.
"Great!" said the figure.
What? said the Auditor.
WHAT? said Death. "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
58
" You had to hand it to human beings. They had one of the strangest powers in the universe. Even her grandfather had remarked upon it. No other species anywhere in the world had invented boredom. Perhaps it was boredom, not intelligence, that had propelled them up the evolutionary ladder. Trolls and dwarfs had it, too, that strange ability to look at the universe and think “oh, the same as yesterday, how dull. I wonder what happens if I bang this rock on that head?” And along with this had come the contrary power, to make things normal. The world changed mightily, and within a few days humans considered it was normal. They had the most amazing ability to shut out and forget what didn’t fit. They told themselves little stories to explain away the inexplicable, to make things normal. Historians "
― Terry Pratchett , Thief of Time (Discworld, #26; Death, #5)
