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21 " all my wins are lessons and all my failures are lessons that will one day become wins. "
― Tiffany Haddish , The Last Black Unicorn
22 " You know, because women be peeing themselves after they have babies. "
23 " I didn’t have the uniform yet. It was too big for me, so I had my grandma do alterations on it. I had a T-shirt, and I wrote on it in big black letters: “Will have uniform in 2 weeks. Grandma doin’ it. "
24 " But to this day, if I have words with somebody, I never walk past them. I never turn my back on them. Now I’m always watching people. I’ve never had that problem with somebody hitting me in the back of the head no more. Never again after that. "
25 " That exchange basically sums up Titus. Sneaky and small-time. "
26 " Eritrea, "
27 " Eritrean. "
28 " Every man is going to think of you as property. That’s why they want to put they last name on your name. Then you’re their property. So you want to make sure whoever you end up with knows how to maintain their property. See yourself as a house. You have to view yourself as the house on the highest part of the hill. You can’t let everybody come into your house. They can’t catch no bus to your house. They can’t ride no bike to your house. They got to have a nice car with four-wheel drive to get up to your house. "
29 " DJ Timbo: “Tiffany, that man was old. It was his time. He was probably happy. It was probably the first time he ever danced with a black girl in his life. It was the happiest moment of his life. "
30 " It's where the bros drink their brews, and the surfers sip their hurricanes, and they all just white together. "
31 " At first people were laughing ‘cause they thought I was just playin’. Then I pull my hair off, I took my shoes off, I took my earrings off, I bawled up my fists all furious and I started praying in the microphone: “Heavenly Father give me the strength and power to beat this girl down to the ground and teach her she ain’t never supposed to be disrespectful to anybody because I give zero fucks Lord, just give me the power to whip her ass. All these things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen”. I guess it was the way I said it because people stopped laughing. "
32 " But you gotta understand my mind at the time. I’m thinking this is God’s work. Like this is exactly what I asked God for, even if he is not all that physically attractive, I can live without that. What’s important is his soul, and to me, his soul seemed like it cared about and cherished me a lot. "
33 " I have to value myself properly. That’s something I have had a hard time with in the past, but I’m getting better. "
34 " because them bitches was out to beat "
35 " It didn’t always feel like it at times, but I truly believe I am blessed. "
36 " I want to thank God most of all, because without God I wouldn’t be able to do any of this. "
37 " Foster Mom: “Hm, hm, you’d be surprised, these little kids be out here fucking. ’Cause you know the last one you had up in here, she was eleven years old, and I had to get her a whole box of condoms. "
38 " I believe in God. And I believe I have a purpose in life. I believe we all do. I believe you do, too. No matter how bad things go, no matter how dark your life is, there is a reason for it. You can find beauty in it, and you can get better. I know, because I’ve done it. "
39 " I jumped out the bed, and I started to dance. I started full-on dancing.Nurse: Ms. Haddish, you can't dance. Ms. Maddish, you are scaring people.Tiffany: I'm free!! I'm free!! Thank God almighty, I am free!!I started doing the Running Man, and then I ran my ass right into the ground. Those drugs they give you are strong. "
40 " What the fuck? How can a police station be closed? "