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" I don’t want to die.” I say, defiantly.
“Bright Side, what?” He’s confused.
Of course he’s confused. No one starts a conversation like that.
I repeat, “I don’t want to fucking die.”
“Oh, shit, Bright Side.” I hear him take a deep breath, a primer for the conversationthat’s about to unfold. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I’m fucking dying, Gus. I don’t want to die. That’s what’s fucking going on.” I hit the steering wheel with my palms. “Goddammit!” I scream... Gus doesn’t deserve this, but I know he’ll deal with it better than anyone else would.
“Calm down, dude. Where are you?”
“I don’t know. I’m sitting in my car in a fucking parking garage in the middle of motherfucking Minneapolis, Minnesota.” That was hostile.
“Are you by yourself?”
“Yes,” I snap.
“You’re not supposed to be driving while you’re on your pain meds.”
I don’t want his fatherly tone. “I know that.”
“Are you in danger or hurt?”
I burst out laughing, surprised that I can’t even laugh without sounding angry. The question is absurd to me though. I’m dying.
“Bright Side, shut up for a second and talk to me. Do I need to call 911? What the fuck is going on?” He sounds scared.
I shake my head like he can see me. “No, no. I’m just ... I’m fucking mad, Gus. That’s all.” And at a loss for words because my mind is jumbled up into this bitter, resentful ball. I don’t know what else to say so I repeat myself. “I’m really fucking mad.”
“Well shit, by all means, there’s plenty of room at my table for anger.” He gets it. That’s why I called him, after all. “I’ve been dishing out heaping servings of fury for the past month. I feel better knowing I’m not the only one in this whole debacle with some rage issues. So fire away. Fucking give it to me.”
I do. An explosive, steady stream of expletives flows out of me. I’m cursing it all, shouting out questions, pounding the steering wheel, and wiping away hot, angry tears. Occasionally Gus joins in, yelling affirmations. Sometimes he waits for a pause on my part and takes his turn and sometimes he just steamrolls over the top of me...
Eventually, my tears stop, and I’m able to take normal breaths. My throat feels tight and my head hurts a little, but I’m calm. On the other end of the line, Gus gets quiet, too. Silence falls between us...
My voice is raspy when I decide to break the silence. “Gus?”
“Yeah, Bright Side.” He sounds like himself again. Calm.
“Thanks.” I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. And now I need to apologize. “Sorry, dude.”
He laughs. “No worries. You feel better?”
I can actually smile now. “Yeah, I really do.”
“Good, me too. I think we should’ve done this weeks ago.”
“I think I should’ve done it months ago.” I mean it. It felt so good to let it all out.
“Bright Side, you know I love you all happy and adorable in your little world of sunshine and rainbows, but you’re kinda hot when you’re angry. I dig aggressive chicks. And that was crazy aggressive.”
He knows I’m going to say it, but I can’t help myself. “Whatever.” I even roll my eyes.
“I think I’m gonna rename you Demon Seed.”
“What? I show you my dark side and now I have to be the fucking antichrist? I don’t like that. Why can’t I just be Angry Bitch?”
He laughs hard and my heart swellsbecause I haven’t heard this laugh out of Gus in a month. And I love this laugh.
“Well dude, since it seems my therapysession has wrapped up, I’d better get going. I need to get home.”
“Sure. Drive slowly and text me when you get there so I know you made it. And no more driving after this trip.”
“Yes sir. I love you, Gus.”
“Love you, too, Angry Bitch,” his voice low and dramatic. He pauses because he knows I’m not going to hang up to that. “I was just trying it out,” he says innocently. "
― Kim Holden , Bright Side (Bright Side, #1)
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" Anyway, as soon as I got accepted to Grant this past summer my friend had doubtsabout Old Blue’s skills in the snow. She was rear wheel drive, you know. So I sold her and bought his aunt’s old car. It’s all-wheel drive, so it should be good when we get a big snow, right?”
Keller shakes his head. “When did you get so soft, Katie? I thought you were a strong, independent woman. You’re scared of snow?”
I widened my eyes for effect. “Dude, I’m not soft, I’m from Southern California. I was raised in captivity; I’ve never seen snow in the wild. "
― Kim Holden , Bright Side (Bright Side, #1)
