Home > Work > She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders
1 " A plot, I used to remind my students, is not merely a sequence of events: "A" followed by "B" followed by "C" followed by "D." Rather, it's a series of events linked by cause and effect: "A" causes "B," which causes "C," and so on. True, a person's (or a fictional character's) destiny may be more than the sum of his choices--fate and luck play a role as well--but only scientists (and not all of them) believe that free will is a sham. People in life--and therefore in fiction--must choose, and their choices must have meaningful consequences. Otherwise, there's no story. "
― Jennifer Finney Boylan , She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders
2 " ...I really did "choose" to be Jim every single day, but that once I put my sword down I haven't chosen Jenny at all; I simply wake up and here I am. "
3 " As it turns out, we're all still learning to be men, or women, all still learning to be ourselves. pg 197 "
4 " Although my understanding of exactly how much trouble I was in grew more specific over time, as a child I surely understood enough about my condition to know it was something I'd better keep private. By intuition I was certain that the thing I knew to be true was something others would find both impossible and hilarious. My conviction, by the way, had nothing to do with a desire to be feminine, but it had everything to do with being female. Which is an odd believe for a person born male. It certainly had nothing to do with whether I was attracted to girls or boys. This last point was the one that, years later, would most frequently elude people, including the overeducated smarty-pants who constituted much of my inner circle. But being gay or lesbian is about sexual orientation. Being transgedered is about identity. "
5 " I feel like somebody who just got out of prison after 40 years for something she didn't do, like I got pardoned by the governor. When dear friends deal with me with mixed emotions, it is a little like being told, 'Well, Jenny, we're glad you got sprung, really, but quite honestly we did kind of like you better when you were in jail. "
6 " And at every moment as I lived my life, I countered this awareness with an exasperated companion thought, namely, Don’t be an idiot. You’re not a girl. Get over it. But I never got over it. "
7 " Which is to say that we all have dragons to slay in life. This one is mine. I hope that doing so will provide a model to others on how to find the bravery to be true to oneself, even if it means doing something that seems impossible. "
8 " Having an opinion about transsexuality is about as useful as having and opinion on blindness. You can think whatever you like about it, but in the end, your friend it still blind and surely deserves to see. "
9 " gay and lesbian people don’t necessarily have that much in common with transsexuals.” “Yeah,” I said. “Except for the fact that we get beaten up by the same people. "
10 " it’s the same monkeys, different barrel. "
11 " Briefly, I was a journalist in my twenties, although not a very good one. I didn’t quite grasp the whole concept of accuracy. "
12 " I used to stand at the lectern in my coat and tie, waving my glasses around, urging students to find the courage to become themselves. Then I’d go back to the office and lock the door and put my head down on the desk. "
13 " I was sitting on top of a mountain of secrets so high that it was almost impossible to see the earth anymore. For one thing, now that I lived alone, I was living as a woman about half the time. I’d come home and go female and pay the bills and write and watch television, and then I’d go back to boy mode and teach my classes. I didn’t venture out into the world much en femme, although I did get out now and then. It was unbelievably frightening. "
14 " That was the last time I saw Carol. I didn’t want to be told I had to be a woman. What I wanted from her was the mystery to a solution. "
15 " that Victoria’s wife has said that she will phone the police if Victoria ever so much as even mentions this topic again. "
16 " No one leaped to his feet to rescue her. I think we all knew Grace well enough to understand that she would prefer to rescue herself from this predicament, and we were right. "
17 " It would be my first official reintroduction to the college community since I’d switched from regular to Diet Coke. "
18 " and spoken my name for the first time. "
19 " At every waking moment now, I was plagued by the thought that I was living a lie. "
20 " Is it? I thought. Is it really better if I talk about it? Isn’t keeping this hidden the only way I can protect you, can protect this family? Isn’t that my job, taking care of us? Sometimes you can do that better with silence than with words. "
