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Bossypants QUOTES

Bossypants QUOTES

1 " By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your fucking life. "

― , Bossypants

2 " Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... Do your thing, and don't care if they like it. "

― , Bossypants

3 " Do your thing and don't care if they like it. "

― , Bossypants

4 " Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone. "

― , Bossypants

5 " Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one. "

― , Bossypants

6 " Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers. "

― , Bossypants

7 " My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood. "

― , Bossypants

8 " Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it. "

― , Bossypants

9 " In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way. "

― , Bossypants

10 " Don't hire anyone you wouldn't want to run into in the hallway at three in the morning. "

― , Bossypants

11 " We spent days and weeks doing nothing, calling one another ten times a day to schedule our nothing-doing. "

― , Bossypants

12 " (My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.) "

― , Bossypants

13 " My first job as assistant director was to make sure he didn't cast the talented blond dancer who had so easily stolen my boyfriend the summer before. I accomplished this with the persistent and skilled manipulation of a grade A bitch. "

― , Bossypants

14 " In improv there are no mistakes, only beautiful happy accidents. And many of the world’s greatest discoveries have been by accident. "

― , Bossypants

15 " You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. "

― , Bossypants

16 " Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole. "

― , Bossypants

17 " It's a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it...You have to let people see what you wrote. "

― , Bossypants

18 " It is a testament to my parents that they never reacted negatively to the four-year-long pride parade that marched through their house. "

― , Bossypants

19 " I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It’s as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can’t stop erasing human features. "

― , Bossypants

20 " Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. ...It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they've crossed into puberty? If so, it's working. "

― , Bossypants