Home > Work > John Dies at the End (John Dies at the End, #1)
181 " Everybody was circling around Robert, trying to get to the door while avoiding the infested, oozing mess and-holy shit is this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds. "
― David Wong , John Dies at the End (John Dies at the End, #1)
182 " John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat with electrician's tape. He brought it up to the ready. I pushed "play. "
183 " As soon as you get home, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded earlier. He’s also got a new head, stitched on with what looks like plastic weed-trimmer line, and it’s wearing that unique expression of “you’re the man who killed me last winter” resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life. "
184 " John's coffee, which tasted like battery acid someone had pissed in then cursed at for several hours. "
185 " Our world,” he said, “is far more advanced than yours. For reasons you’ll understand shortly.” A thin, bony naked woman entered the room, carrying two small, white kittens. She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. “There,” said the large man. “The kittens will make your sad go away. "
186 " Did you doze off there?” He shook my hand. “Uh, no. I was just tryin’ to rub somethin’ off the back of my eyelid. "
187 " I was hammered by either a flying body tackle or an unnecessarily aggressive hug. "
188 " We bless the ice, then we just have to somehow get all hundred or so of those monsters to go lick the statue!” I stared hard into the face of the older man, said, “Okay, there is no possible combination of English words that would form a dumber plan than that. "
189 " Good-bye, Molly,” I muttered. “Of all the dogs I’ve known in my life, I’ve never seen a better driver. "
190 " the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids. "
191 " People Die. This is the fact the world desperately hides from us from birth. Long afteryou find out the truth about sex and Santa Claus, this other myth endures,this one about how you’ll always get rescued at the last second and if not,your death will at least mean something and there’ll be somebody there tohold your hand and cry over you. All of society is built to prop up that lie,the whole world a big, noisy puppet show meant to distract us from the factthat at the end, you’ll die, and you’ll probably be alone. "
192 " John snatched the rebound, spun, jumped, slammed. He pumped his fist in victory. “Ring it up! Two hundred seventy-four to one thirty-seven!” In John’s game, each shot is worth one hundred and thirty-seven points. "
193 " There was a sound like a garbage bag of pudding dropped off a tall building onto a sidewalk. "
194 " And so, feeling like men trying to work a jigsaw puzzle blindfolded and using only our butt cheeks to grip the pieces, we left. "
195 " You know, I observed a man who masturbated until he bled. Did he want to do that? "
196 " Shitload said, “His name is Korrok the Slavemaster from the eighth plane, also known in some realms as Baa’aaa’aaa’aab and in others as the Lord Zanthk All-Bzzki’l Shadd’uuul’l L’luuu’ddahs L’ikzzb-lla Khtnaz. "
197 " I walked right into a girl, broadsided her, felled her like a tree. I saw, to my horror, that it was Jennifer Lopez. "
198 " I then reached out, put my hands under his armpits and lifted him into the air. He was about as heavy as a department store mannequin. I doubt you’ve ever lifted one of those but you can probably guess that they’re not very heavy. "
199 " With a bassy thump and a smell like burnt sulfur, Shitload farted himself far into the air. "
200 " Son, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. "