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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High QUOTES

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High QUOTES

1 " I have become more aware of (1) how true emotions can feel during crucial moments, and (2) how false they really are. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

2 " How can we possibly act curious when others are either attacking us or heading for cover? People who routinely seek to find out why others are feeling unsafe do so because they have learned that getting at the source of fear and discomfort is the best way to return to dialogue. Either they’ve seen others do it or they’ve stumbled on the formula themselves. Either way, they realize that the cure to silence or violence isn’t to respond in kind, but to get at the underlying source. This calls for genuine curiosity—at a time when you’re likely to be feeling frustrated or angry. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

3 " If you persist over time, refusing to take offense, making your motive genuine, showing respect, and constantly searching for Mutual Purpose, then the other person will almost always join you in dialogue. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

4 " Assignments without deadlines are far better at producing guilt than stimulating action. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

5 " People often assume that trust is something you have or don’t have. Either you trust someone or you don’t. That puts too much pressure on trust.
“What do you mean I can’t stay out past midnight? Don’t you trust me?” your teenage son inquires.
Trust doesn’t have to be universally offered. In truth, it’s usually offered in degrees and is very topic specific. It also comes in two flavors—motive
and ability. For example, you can trust me to administer CPR if needed; I’m motivated. But you can’t trust me to do a good job; I know nothing about
t. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

6 " When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions. Instead, ask your counterpart a calibrated question. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

7 " Even if we do our best to safely and effectively respond to the other person’s verbal attack, we still have to face up to the fact that it’s going to take a little while for him or her to settle down. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

8 " By tentatively sharing a story rather than attacking, name-calling, and threatening, the worried spouse averted a huge battle, and the couple’s relationship was strengthened at a time when it could easily have been damaged. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

9 " Start with a situation where you observe someone becoming emotional and you’re still under control—such as a meeting (when you’re not personally under attack and are less likely to get hooked). Do your best to get at the person’s source of fear or anger. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

10 " Respect is like air. As long as it's present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it's all that people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose—it is now about defending dignity. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

11 " People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

12 " It’s the most talented, not the least talented, who are continually trying to improve their dialogue skills. As is often the case, the rich get richer. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

13 " As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape—with any degree of success—is the person in the mirror. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

14 " The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

15 " The key to real change lies not in implementing a new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

16 " At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

17 " Goals without deadlines aren’t goals; they’re merely directions. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

18 " Remember, to know and not to do is really not to know. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

19 " Let’s say that your significant other has been paying less and less attention to you. You realize he or she has a busy job, but you still would like more time together. You drop a few hints about the issue, but your loved one doesn’t handle it well. You decide not to put on added pressure, so you clam up. Of course, since you’re not all that happy with the arrangement, your displeasure now comes out through an occasional sarcastic remark. “Another late night, huh? I’ve got Facebook friends I see more often.” Unfortunately (and here’s where the problem becomes self-defeating), the more you snip and snap, the less your loved one wants to be around you. So your significant other spends even less time with you, you become even more upset, and the spiral continues. Your behavior is now actually creating the very thing you didn’t want in the first place. You’re caught in an unhealthy, self-defeating loop. "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

20 " Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. —AMBROSE BIERCE "

― , Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High