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Blood: A Memoir QUOTES

Blood: A Memoir QUOTES

1 " What happens when you hit your daughter.

First, she will bond to you out of fear, mistakenly thinking she has done something wrong, and if she can just manage to not do it again or somehow please you, you might not hit her or anyone else anymore. She will even think you will love her properly if she can earn your approval. She won't realize this is impossible. Then she will either do that with every man she comes within 100 feet of for the rest of her life or until she learns not to - this will take much doing - or she will despise them with such vehemence that she can barely stomach one around. Sometimes she will do a combination of both of those things, working herself into a pattern of push and pull - I love you, I hate you, I need you, I don't need anyone - that will drive her a little crazy. She won't understand at first, if ever, why she only attracts other masochists.

Whatever numbing agent she's picked for herself - she will probably try drugs, drink too much alcohol, starve herself or binge and purge, maybe cut herself, act out sexually - in fact, she may do all of those things - that continues to help kill her spirit and dulls her enough to keep her participating in living like a maniac will be consumed to varying degrees depending on need.

She will be more likely to commit suicide than if you hadn't abused her.

She will give herself away and will mistake admiration and infatuation and sometimes even abuse for love. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

2 " It seems as if I've spent my life just trying to be okay. It took me a while to develop some semblance of what that means to me and how to get it. As with most of us, it's day-to-day. Standing still when I find it and appreciating the miracle of that accomplishment instead of just rushing to the next thing is the charge. Becoming wise enough to know that I'll remain at least somewhat broken and letting go of the idea that I shouldn't be is another one. Day-to-day will have to do. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

3 " I look forward to the times when he will praise me for how my body looks and know how fucked up it is that I learned from my father how important it is to be aesthetically pleasing, to be thin and preferably downright skinny, to not take up too much space, to never be outwardly unhappy or loud or demanding to not be too opinionated.
I am opinionated. I am sometimes unhappy and loud and demanding, I take up too much space sometimes, and sometimes the number is over 120. I hate myself for all of those things. I try to shrink like he taught me. I hate myself for it. Like he would've hated me for not doing it.
I stay busy hating myself for him and filling in his spaces. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

4 " There are parts of a heart that never heal once they're broken. There is no glue that will hold. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

5 " Let me store resentments like I’m canning vegetables for the winter so I’ll slowly develop a deep, smoldering hatred in return for my deep disappointment. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

6 " The most awful, ugly thing about self-hatred is that it doesn’t stay contained. The harder I am on myself, the harder I am on others. The harder I am, full stop. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

7 " Magazines are full of dreams. I don’t know what hers were. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

8 " When I think of him now, I see him in a way I couldn’t as a child. I see what a big brain he had. But I’ve lost the awe I had for him then. I held him simultaneously in awe and contempt when I was a girl. It was confusing and made me conflicted, just like he was. My awe has since turned to sympathy, even empathy sometimes, as I navigate the world as an adult and try to find my place in it. He always seemed to be trying to find his place in it. Even having lost the weird veneration that clashed with my disdain and hurt, I grieve for him. I grieve for what he, and we, could’ve been. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

9 " It happened forty years ago. It hurts me in some ways more now than it did then, now that I know what a thing like that can mean to a life beyond what it does when it’s happening. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

10 " I like to read everything. How many thousands of words can two eyes take in on any given day before they start to rearrange themselves on the page? One of my greatest fears is that I will die not having read everything that I want to. No need to be afraid about something that will happen. I should just go on and get used to it right now. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

11 " Goneness. It sounds like a condition because it is. It's not a blank space waiting to be filled, but a deep hole that will forever be a hole- a cruel, carved-out crater or violently dug indentation, a chasm left by something that has been removed. "

― , Blood: A Memoir

12 " Imagine the sound of a .30-06 rifle firing, and then think of the time it takes to snap your fingers four times to the tempo of “Thirteen” by Big Star. Then imagine it firing again. "

― , Blood: A Memoir