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The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent QUOTES

The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent QUOTES

1 " Along the way, I learned some things. One thing I learned was that even though most people thought their problem was about sex, it rarely was. More often it was a problem with knowing how to relax, how to attend to their sensation, or how to respect and accept their desires.
They had trouble knowing how to be vulnerable, playful, or generous, or how to set limits. They had trouble receiving, or even knowing what it meant, and trouble giving and knowing what that meant. These things are much more fundamental, but because difficulty with them feels so normal, people often didn’t notice them until sex was involved, so they thought it was about the sex. Far more often it was a challenge with these more basic skills. "

― Betty Martin , The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

2 " Your ability to give what is real and effective is directly proportional to your ability to receive what is real and meaningful to you. "

― Betty Martin , The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

3 " As we learn we have limits, we learn “This far and no farther.” We learn to stand up for ourselves and others. We stop going along with the usual social expectations that allow entire groups of people to be mistreated. We stand against racism, sexism, and unfair conditions for workers. We stand up for the earth. In other words, as we experience the quadrants, we find that their shadows become visible and loathsome. "

― Betty Martin , The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

4 " The traditional meaning of consent means agreeing to something someone else wants: “I consent to X.” In this meaning, you “give consent” or “get consent”. I’d like to expand the definition and think of consent as being an agreement that two or more people come up with together. You don’t give consent, you arrive at consent—together. "

― Betty Martin , The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

5 " Then there is this one: doing to get a response we want to see. This is so easy to do! I’ve done this, and I imagine you have too. We want to see the person relax, or moan and sigh, or be impressed with our skill, or have a mind-blowing breakthrough. This trap is especially common with sexual touch. I’ve found that mostly we don’t know we’re doing this until we don’t get the response we want; then we say, “It didn’t work.” We blame ourselves for not having the right technique or blame the receiver for not being liberated enough or not being able to surrender. There are many problems with this, and we’ll be looking at them. "

― Betty Martin , The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent