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121 " And I’m having a hard time remembering how I lived without him, how I could bear to look at a world that I thought he wasn’t in, and why I thought I could ever love anyone the way I love him.Because it has been him.My whole life.It has always, always been him. "
― Taylor Jenkins Reid , One True Loves
122 " For the first time, I find myself wondering if facing the truth and being sane aren't the same thing, if they are just two things that tend to go together. I'm just starting to understand that they might be correlational rather than synonyms. "
123 " At the time, I could not, for the life of me, understand why he told me this, why he trusted me with the truth about his life more than anyone else. I thought it meant that I was special, that maybe he had always felt about me the way I felt about him.Now, looking back on it, I know it was just the opposite. I was a girl in the background of his life—that’s what made me safe. "
124 " You start to understand that grief is chronic. That it's more about remission and relapse than it is about a cure. "
125 " I said it even though I knew it would hurt her to hear it. I had to say it because of how much it hurt to feel it. "
126 " You know this is called self-pity. You don’t care. "
127 " I think that perhaps everyone has a moment that splits their life in two. When you look bak on your own timeline, there’s a sharp spike somewhere along the way, some event that changed you, changed your life, more than the others.A moment that creates a “before” and an “after. "
128 " I love you.” “I know you do,” he says. “But I’m not the only one you love. And you can only have one. And it might not be me. "
129 " I think it’s a good sign, though,” he said, “that I was crazy about you at sixteen and I’m still crazy about you now.”I smiled at him. “It certainly seems promising. "
130 " You feel like you stopped living when he went missing. You feel like the rest of your days are killing time until it’s time to die. "
131 " How do I tell the truth when I don’t know what it is? "
132 " He’s scared he’s about to lose the person he loves. There’s not a fear on this earth more common than that. "
133 " Which is the whole point, our only reason for doing what we are doing.We don’t really care about pleasure. We are aching to be felt by the other, aching to feel each other. We move to tell each other what’s in our souls, to say what words can’t. We are touching each other in an attempt to listen. "
134 " And then you say to yourself, Wait, no, that’s not right. I can’t be happy.Because you don’t have him. He’s gone. You can’t be happy, can you?And then you stop and truly ask yourself, Am I happy?And you realize that you just might be. "
135 " I don’t want your pity and I don’t want your loyalty. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me. "
136 " Now, my favorite day of the year is when daylight savings begins. It’s usually when the air starts to thaw and the only precipitation you can be threatened with is a little rain. You’re tired in the morning because you’ve lost an hour of sleep. But by seven o’clock at night, the sun is still out. And it’s warmer than it was yesterday at that time. It feels like the world is opening up, like the worst is over, and flowers are coming. "
137 " But I’m starting to think you don’t always know what your dreams are. Some of us have to run smack into one before we see it. "
138 " I am finishing up dinner with my family and my fiancé when my husband calls. "
139 " Now that he’s back, now that he’s again here with me, I wonder how I ever went crazy enough to think it could be this good with anyone else. "
140 " It is hard to be so honest, so vulnerable, so exposed. But I find that it always leads you someplace freer. "