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The Lager Queen of Minnesota QUOTES

The Lager Queen of Minnesota QUOTES

1 " She held the bottle to her lips and tilted, slightly. It tasted the like how she'd imagine dirt would taste if someone burned it on the grill. Nope she said, and handed the bottle back. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

2 " Maureen O'Brien's Bakery Lingo: A Partial Glossary
• 9 donuts - A shutout
• 2 croissants - A full moon
• 3 croissants - A ménage à trois
• 4 bear claws - Full smokey
• 2 bear claws - Half smokey
• The last one of any item - The gift of the Magi
• A baker's dozen of doughnut holes - a PG-13
• Anything in the unlikely quantity of 36 or a lot of something - A Wu-Tang
• Blueberry muffin - Chubby Checker
• Bran muffin - Warren G the regulator
• Any customer who left no tip - A libertarian
• Any customer who only tipped the coins from their change - A couch shaker
• Any person who requested a substitution - Master and demander
• Any person who requested TWO substitutions - Demander in chief
• Any person who requested MORE than two substitutions - The new executive chef

and finally....

• Any vegan customer - A Morrissey "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

3 " Diana had always hated when people said this about her family. The bosses who made her dad list a payroll company as his employer, they gamed the system. The assholes who convinced her parents to take out both a second mortgage and a HELOC in 2006 gamed the system. The employers who would never give Edith enough hours for benefits gamed the system. But ask a lot of people, and they'd tell you it's people like her grandma who game the system. They'd tell you that an old woman who's worked hard every day of her life and still struggles to get by is a malignant vacuum for their personal tax dollars, and a blight on their lives as free Americans. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

4 " Young man”, Edith said. “This is the best stout I’ve ever had in my life.” She just didn’t add that it was the first and only stout she’d ever had in her life, but she felt that this was how sales were done. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

5 " The name on that label was now just a nostalgic reminder of the real thing. And for years to come increasingly old men and women would sit in little bars off the highway and order it... If hearing themselves say the word Blatz makes them feel young, or beautiful, or invincible again, maybe it's OK that it survives. Maybe, for many years now, Blatz was already better as a story than as a beer. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

6 " When you see a man falling off a ladder above you, Edith believed, you don't envision your arms breaking. You just hold them out. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

7 " Her mother told her once that the nicest thing you can do for someone is be happy to see them, "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

8 " Why? So you can still qualify for assistance? Your family is gaming the system?"

"No." Diana had always hated when people said this about her family. The bosses who made her dad list a payroll company as his employer, they gamed the system. The assholes who convinced her parents to take out both a second mortgage and a HELOC in 2006 gamed the system. The employers who would never give Edith enough hours for benefits gamed the system. But ask a lot of people, and they'd tell you it's people like her grandma who game the system. They'd tell you that an old woman who's worked hard every day of her life and still struggles to get by is a malignant vacuum for their personal tax dollars, and a blight on their lives as free Americans. "We're just trying to live. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

9 " Her mom carefully selected her memories to reflect her established opinions, and it turned her mind into a bowl of lettuce she believed was a salad. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

10 " Money allows people to survive their mistakes, she knew from having observed that phenomenon from a distance, and people like her were fucked. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

11 " Well, the vast majority of people don't steal to get ahead. A lot of people work their way up from nothing without stealing."

"I don't think a lot of people work their way up from nothing, ever. People like you want to believe it happens all the time. But it really doesn't. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

12 " Her grief was a forest with no trails, and she couldn’t guess how long her heart would walk through it, as her body walked other places. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

13 " ...but she wouldn’t leave the legacy she desired simply through prideful public displays, like some men did. There were advantages to a low profile. It was like a man to scratch his name on the banister of history, but Helen had come to believe that it was better to be the stairs. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

14 " That day, and for a long time after, she'd grapple with God's injustice too, but it was also a long time before she learned that God needed an indestructible person for the tasks that lay ahead, and this is how they're forged. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

15 " You said that she works, though.” “Yeah, at Arby’s and Kohl’s.” “Two jobs. That’s a decent living, isn’t it?” They passed a sign for the golf course, getting closer to Frank’s street. “I can see how it would comfort you to believe that. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

16 " Why’d you have to go and say that?” Shotty asked. “Now I might look forward to seeing you.” At the time she just thought it was a clever comeback from a clever old man, but on her drive home, she heard the sadness in it, the sadness of a world where the people who cared for him were swapped out like baseball cards, the peril of attachment in a world of dependence, and the fatigue of anticipation, anywhere. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

17 " It occurred to Diana just then that death doesn’t happen all at once. The public death is just the beginning, and the rest takes as long as it has to, in private bits and pieces, without any warning, schedule, or validation. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

18 " She was petite back then, and wasn't anymore, but her power was that she'd always acted like she had the exact body she was supposed to have, at every age, like most men did. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

19 " Write thank-you notes,” Frank said. “Thank-you notes are the grease on society’s bearings. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota

20 " He was a tad less pleasant than most of the other residents, but God likes all kinds, and Edith sure tried to as well. "

― J. Ryan Stradal , The Lager Queen of Minnesota