1
" Horses are of a breed unique to Fantasyland. They are capable of galloping full-tilt all day without a rest. Sometimes they do not require food or water. They never cast shoes, go lame or put their hooves down holes, except when the Management deems it necessary, as when the forces of the Dark Lord are only half an hour behind. They never otherwise stumble. Nor do they ever make life difficult for Tourists by biting or kicking their riders or one another. They never resist being mounted or blow out so that their girths slip, or do any of the other things that make horses so chancy in this world. For instance, they never shy and seldom whinny or demand sugar at inopportune moments. But for some reason you cannot hold a conversation while riding them. If you want to say anything to another Tourist (or vice versa), both of you will have to rein to a stop and stand staring out over a valley while you talk. Apart from this inexplicable quirk, horses can be used just like bicycles, and usually are. Much research into how these exemplary animals come to exist has resulted in the following: no mare ever comes into season on the Tour and no stallion ever shows an interest in a mare; and few horses are described as geldings. It therefore seems probable that they breed by pollination. This theory seems to account for everything, since it is clear that the creatures do behave more like vegetables than mammals. Nomads appears to have a monopoly on horse-breeding. They alone possess the secret of how to pollinate them. "
― Diana Wynne Jones , The Tough Guide to Fantasyland
6
" BRIDGES. The Rule is that, when being pursued by the forces of Darkness, you are going to need to cross a Bridge, and there will be no Bridge. While the Tour is waiting to find a way across, the forces of the Dark have time to catch up. Even if there is supposed to be a Bridge on the route, you are likely to arrive to find it broken — whereupon the forces of the Dark gain steadily again. The only Bridges sure to be still in place are ANCIENT ENGINEERING PROJECTS, and they will be huge, with, as soon as you get to the middle, a tendency to develop a small but impassible gap right at the apex. "
― Diana Wynne Jones , The Tough Guide to Fantasyland
12
" NUNNERIES: The Rule is that any Nunnery you approach, particularly if you are in dire need of rest, Healing, or provisions, will prove to have been recently sacked. You will find the place a smoking ruin littered with corpses. You will be shocked and wonder who could have done such a thing. Your natural curiosity will shorty be satisfied, because there is a further Rule that there will be one survivor, either a very young NOVICE or a very old nun, who will give you a graphic account of the raping and burning and the names of the perpetrators. If old, she will then die, thus saving you from having to take her along and feed her from your dwindling provisions; if a Novice, she will either die likewise or prove to be not as nunnish as you at first thought, in which case you may be glad to have her along. "
― Diana Wynne Jones , The Tough Guide to Fantasyland
17
" Entry: Barbary Vikings
Where horned Helmets and fur Cloaks; otherwise you could misstake them for Northern Barbarians. They swagger hughly, quarrel hughly, drink hughly and boast hughly.
They thing they like the best is killing people, particulary lots at once. If a Barbary viking goes berserk, he will kill even more freely. Stand clear if one does.
All of them are excelent seamen. Their Boats have square sails and lines of Shields down the sides.
Quite often, the Managment employs them as Pirates because they are good at raping and looting and burning.
But on some Tours they appears as allies of a rather wilful kind, and will take Tourist for a sail.
At home, which are somewhere quite northerly, they have a King, who is Good and to whom they are viciously loyal, and they womenfolk whom you scarly se at all because they are all at home berring warrios. Barbary vikings are even maler then Anglo-Saxoon cossacks. "
― Diana Wynne Jones , The Tough Guide to Fantasyland