Home > Work > Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Screenplay
1 " Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? "
― Graham Chapman , Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Screenplay
2 " Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! "
3 " We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing! "
4 " When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. "
5 " I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. "
6 " I fart in your general direction. "
7 " Dennis the Peasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Arthur: Be quiet! Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! "
8 " Tis but a scratch!""A scratch? Your arm's off!""No it isn't.""Then what's that?""Oh come on, pansy! "
9 " Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! "
10 " One, two, ... five!""Three, my lord. "
11 " I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim. "
12 " Camelot is a silly place. "
13 " She turned me into a newt.... But I got better... "
14 " I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! "
15 " Help! Help! I'm being repressed! "
