1
" Eventually, he brought me a translation of the Islamic Holy Book, the Quran, and one night, as I read, I came across a sura that touched me so deeply, moved me so profoundly, it was as though God had whispered in my ear. My life didn't change, the circumstances that plagued me -- poverty, exile from the real world, continuous fears about what lay ahead -- didn't change. I wasn't instantly, miraculously cured of the blackness that was rooted in my soul, but I was comforted.
I, who felt and believed that I was beyond even the capability of God to love and forgive, who feared daily retribution of the meanest, vilest kind, cried to the first time since I'd come to this house, not bitterly, not grudging the tears.
'By the morning hours,
And by the night when it is stillest
The Lord hath not forsaken thee
nor doth He hate thee
And verily the latter portion
will be better for thee than the former
And verily thy Lord will give unto
thee so that thou will be content
Did He not find thee an Orphan
and protect thee?
Did He not find thee wandering
and direct thee?
Did He not find thee destitute
and enrich thee?
Therefore the orphan oppress not,
Therefore the beggar drive not away,
Therefore the bounty of thy Lord
be thy discourse.
(Sura 93)'
That verse freed me. I was not an outcast, not hated by a God who could love and forgive everyone but me. In time, I could see my being in this house as an act of man, not an act of God. I also began to believe that there might be another reason for my being directed here; I was not here to die, but perhaps to do something about the place and the people. I began to feel I'd been given back purpose. "
― Pat Capponi , Upstairs In The Crazy House: The Life Of A Psychiatric Survivor
10
" The first person to really speak to me was Andy, which was lucky, since he was the least crazy. He stank, but I suspected I did too. I never took off my clothes, always ready for fight or flight, needing to feel a little armoured. Deodorant was a luxury I couldn't afford, and I wasn't about to attempt a bath in a room that didn't lock, and which was always in high demand. Not to mention that there was no plug for the tub, or hand soap, or towels, or curtain, or mat. "
― Pat Capponi , Upstairs In The Crazy House: The Life Of A Psychiatric Survivor
11
" I joined with task forces and coalitions, replete with professionals and para-professionals, working in the system. Often, too often, I was the only ex-patient at the table. I was continually surprised by the degree of resistance to the notion that we -- those directly affected -- should have more of a say in how we are housed and treated. The provincial civil service also was reluctant to hear and change what needed to be changed; many times I heard how Rome wasn't built in a day, and that the wheels of government grind slowly. I found *I* was considered the problem, not the issues I was bringing to light.
I went through periods of intense frustration, all to aware that patience is fine when you're reasonably fed, clothed and housed, when there is purpose and meaning to your life. Meanwhile, our people were forced to endure, to try to survive in intolerable circumstances through long years of committees and endless debate and red tape. "
― Pat Capponi , Upstairs In The Crazy House: The Life Of A Psychiatric Survivor
