Home > Work > Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
1 " I can’t solve his problems, and it’s not my fault that he thinks I should. "
― Lundy Bancroft , Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
2 " don’t make him do the things he does. When men blame women for their own behavior, that’s one of the benchmarks of abuse. "
3 " A man who chronically mistreats you is a terrible source of information about who you are. His vision is too distorted, too self-centered, and too self-serving to have any useful clarity, especially when the subject is you. "
4 " You are not your partner. His issues are not your issues. His behavior is not your behavior. His destructiveness does not prove that anything is wrong with you. You are separate people. "
5 " On those days when his nasty or rejecting side comes out first thing, tell yourself, “His coldness is his problem, not mine. He’s the one who’s missing out. I’m not going to let him ruin my day. "
6 " The outcome of the way he argues is that he escapes ever accepting responsibility for what he does. To his unethical way of thinking, you are the cause of everything he does. "
7 " Make a decision inside of yourself—a deep decision—that you are 100 percent responsible for your actions, and he is 100 percent responsible for his actions. You have zero responsibility for what he does, and he has zero responsibility for what you do. "
8 " He is entirely responsible for his own actions. His behavior is his choice. "
9 " An abusive man is at his most punishing when the woman moves toward health, independence, and social connection. "
10 " Trust your memory. Trust your best thinking. Trust your sense of what is real. "
11 " It is in your primary relationship that you should be able to feel the most sure of receiving kindness and support, of being carefully listened to, of being seen and understood. "
12 " Your negative feelings about yourself do not reflect reality. "
13 " Abusive and controlling men tend to have an endless collection of strategies to avoid having to look at their behavior and change it. They are highly attached to an unequal, privileged position in their relationships with women, and as a result are simply not willing to operate respectfully, since that would mean operating as equals. "
