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61 " Zoe and Erica looked to me with genuine concern in their eyes. Warren, however, couldn’t hide his glee. “Oooh,” he taunted. “Ben, you’re in trouble! "
― Stuart Gibbs , Evil Spy School (Spy School #3)
62 " Ten minutes later, I was in the principal’s office. Or at least what was left of it. It probably wasn’t the best idea to be in a fifth-story room that had just suffered severe structural damage, but the principal, who didn’t think clearly on normal occasions, was so enraged that he’d apparently ceased thinking at all. "
63 " Nefarious came running, only to find that Ashley had handled everything fine without him. Rather than congratulate her, he awkwardly looked at the ground and said, “Mneh. "
64 " I’m sorry.” “I should say you’re sorry! If it hadn’t been for my keen ears and my lightning reflexes, I would have been killed!” This was a lie. Since I’d seen the principal emerging from his bathroom after the blast, I knew that he’d literally been caught with his pants down. It was only sheer luck that he’d been seated on the toilet, rather than at his desk, when the bomb struck. "
65 " We were all trying to act normal, like we hadn’t been doing things in secret the night before. Ashley and Nefarious were pretending like they hadn’t subdued four federal agents and sprung Murray Hill, while I was pretending like I had no idea that they had subdued four federal agents and sprung Murray Hill. "
66 " Most other organizations would have just fired an incompetent employee. But the CIA was run by the government, where incompetent people didn’t merely avoid being fired; they were often elected to high offices. "
67 " Surprise!” Murray yelled from the top of the stairs, then slid down the banister. He tried to hop off suavely at the bottom, but he wasn’t nearly as coordinated as Ashley. Instead, he tripped over his own feet, clocked his head on the foosball table, and collapsed on the floor. "
68 " The principal paused for a moment, as though weighing whether saving a few students’ lives was worth the loss of his desk. "
69 " It’s not very professional to shirk responsibility,” the principal scoffed. This, from a man who’d swiped the dessert from his secretary’s lunch bag for a year and then tried to pin it on the janitorial staff. "
70 " Thanks!” Murray hurried to the fridge. “They didn’t have any real bacon in prison. Only that weird veggie bacon junk.” “Why?” Ashley asked. “For health reasons?” “No. Cost cutting.” Murray dug through the deli drawer. “They don’t give a hoot about your health in prison. They’ve got guys serving life sentences in there. The longer they live, the more it costs. Frankly, it’d make financial sense to give them more bacon. They’d die much sooner, which would be a substantial cost savings, but they’d be happier. It’s a win-win for everyone.” He gave a cry of joy and pulled out a fresh packet of bacon. “Ooh! Thick cut! Excellent! "
71 " Thanks for springing me last night,” Murray told her. Ashley waved this off. “I’m sure you would have done the same for me.” “Probably not,” Murray said. “Rescues are dangerous.” Ashley laughed, thinking this was a joke, although I was quite sure it wasn’t. "
72 " Joshua doesn’t have a Jacuzzi tub. If he wants bubbles in his bath, he’ll have to eat a whole bunch of beans first. "
73 " No one can die like I can. "
74 " Is there any iconic American monument that wasn’t secretly built for national security reasons?” I asked. Erica pursed her lips, considering this. “I don’t think the Gateway Arch in St. Louis was. It’s too wobbly. And frankly, what’s the point of a lookout tower in the middle of the country?” “How about the Seattle Space Needle?” “A big tower right near the border with Canada?” Erica asked. “C’mon. That’s definitely for security.” “Really? We’re worried about Canada? "
75 " Oh, I get that,” Alexander replied. “It’s just that SPYDER used missiles in their last big scheme. And now they’re using them again? That’s not very creative. "
76 " while the area around my crotch was so overheated, I could have baked a potato in my pants. "
77 " And you aimed it at a building instead? Because the whole point of buildings is that they generally have people inside of them.” “Not today,” I protested. “This building was supposed to be empty. The SACSA exams were mandatory for all students and faculty.” “What idiot said that?” “Uh . . . you did.” The principal was already crimson with anger, but now he shifted into a color of red I hadn’t known humans could be. A kind of blazing molten-magma red. Before he could explode at me, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the letter that had been sent to my home at the end of the summer. The one stating that attendance at the SACSA exams on the first day of school was mandatory for all students and faculty. It was signed by the principal himself. “You see?” I asked, holding it up. "
78 " I don’t know. Something that didn’t involve nearly killing me while I was on the toilet!” The principal caught his mistake, then desperately tried to backpedal. “I mean, something that could have killed me while I was on the toilet, had I been there . . . which I wasn’t. I was here, in my office, doing important things, and then cleverly took cover in the bathroom when I heard the incoming mortar round. "
79 " There was no time to think!” “That’s never stopped me,” the principal snapped. “I rarely take any time to think at all, and yet you don’t see me blowing up people’s offices.” With most people, I would have chalked a statement like that up to them being too angry to get their thoughts straight, but the principal’s thoughts were usually more jumbled than a plate of linguini. "
80 " With that, the principal turned his back on me, signaling that our conversation was over. Normally, he would have turned his attention to something on his desk, but now he realized he had no desk—or much of anything else left in his office—so he simply stood there, unsure what else to do, while waiting for me to leave. "