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1 " [Talking about Chatroulette] Unfortunately, like so many things, it got ruined by rampant penises. "
― Anna Faris , Unqualified
2 " I’ve learned that there are some universal truths: If your closest friends stop showing up to your barbecues, you’re probably in a bad relationship. And if you opt for kindness over teasing, you’re probably in a good one. "
3 " ...remembering the pain is a good thing, because all those experiences that you can't close the door on make you a more empathetic person, and that should be embraced. "
4 " Basically, the only profession you can or should date is a woodworker, or a guy who makes boats. Like Kevin Costner in Message in a Bottle. Someone who is brooding but carves wood all day, making something gorgeous with his hands while he ruminates on lost love, and finding new love, and stormy seas. "
5 " want to spend an hour talking and getting into the good stuff. I don’t have a lot of patience for small talk. I don’t even like the phrase. Why would I want to engage in conversation that people deem small? But that means I don’t text back or pick up a call until I have the time to devote to that person. Which often results in “Are you mad at me?” texts, which just make me want to put off a call even more, because I know the first twenty minutes will consist of apologies instead of conversation. I’ve heard the suggestion that I don’t need "
6 " Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want on the front page of the newspaper. "
7 " Heartbreak and rejection are communal. Love is life’s greatest mystery and wildest adventure. "
8 " But I take comfort in the idea that once you accept that certain relationships will always haunt you, they actually make you a better person. Because now you’ve experienced the pain of loss and heartbreak and, at least in my case, humiliation "
9 " My favorite professor always used the quote “Don’t let anyone rent space in your head unless they’re a good tenant. "
10 " Anna is graceful with strangers and fans because she is actually wildly interested in every person she meets. "
11 " Here’s my theory on musicians: when you have an audience of more than ten thousand people worshipping you, how do you go home to your partner at night and be like, “So how was your day?” There’s got to be an intoxicating head rush when you look into a sea of fans and know that you could have sex with any of them, no matter their gender preference. After that, can you ever be satisfied with anything less? "
12 " There! We’ve figured out the secret to men and women being friends. Be people who were awkward in childhood. "
13 " If you had a wrestling move, what would it be called and what would it be? And what would your wrestling name be? "
14 " My wrestling name would be . . . the Ah-minator? Like, rhymes with Dominator? "
15 " If your closest friends stop showing up to your barbecues, you're probably in a bad relationship. "
16 " You are serving seven years and four months at a maximum-security prison in Wichita. What are you in for and what is your prison job? "
17 " hostess first, "
18 " But waiting tables, in some ways, still goes down as the hardest. Certainly the most thankless. Which "
19 " Oh, Sim. Sim: No, it’s true, "
20 " accent—I’m still waiting for my big Oscar-baiting period role—but "
