Home > Work > Happy New Year! and Other Stories
21 " I’m a miller—unfortunately—I own a mill. That is, the mill owns me, for you know what they say. Once you’re dragged into it, you’re finished. "
― Sholom Aleichem , Happy New Year! and Other Stories
22 " He’s so butter-soft you can apply him to a third-degree burn. "
23 " I prescribed silver-chloride,” he said. “Silver-chloride! So why are you skipping around like an idiot from one doctor to another? "
24 " You’re just a young doctor! Where do you come off having a waiting line? If you continue this way, you hear, you’re going to have troubles, not a practice. "
25 " You can be friendly with someone without being friends. And you can be close friends without being friendly. Anyway, that’s my opinion. I’m not asking you what you think. "
26 " We both loved each other. But we never spoke of it. Kept it to ourselves. So passed our best years. "
27 " After all, we’re blessed with doctors. I brought him two doctors. So they argued with each other. One said operate, the other said don’t. Meanwhile, the patient died. "
28 " You’ll ask: how can people understand one another without talking? Well that shows that you really know psychology. But not people! "
29 " Folks say he’s up to his neck in debts. He doesn’t even own the hair on his head. "
30 " Like they say: suffer with your own. You get the picture? But complete strangers? Must I bear the brunt of their troubles? Have I deserved a fate like that? What wrong have I done? "
31 " Hello.” “Hello yourself. Where you from?” “From hunger! "
32 " Lawyers and doctors were created for the specific purpose of contradicting each other. Whatever one says, the other must say just the opposite. They’re just like the Aramaic translation of the Bible. "
33 " May my enemies, your enemies, and all enemies of the Jews have as many good years as we have profit out of dealing with hot Yiddish papers. "
34 " Like my grandma, may she rest in peace, used to say: “The best check is ready cash. "
35 " Like the matchmaker’s commission, it was the sort of fee that had to be paid on the spot. "
36 " While munching on my afternoon snack—a piece of bread smeared with chicken fat—I joyfully looked into the bright parlor. "
37 " Sosil said a cat licking herself meant a guest was coming. "
38 " But as you can see, I’m as hale and hearty as ever, may it continue that way. Except for that one scar on my face, my shortness of breath, and the constant twitch in my eyes, I’m in perfect shape. "
39 " They say it has several hundred floors. How do you get to the top? With a ladder called an elevator. To get to the top floor, you board the elevator early in the morning and you reach your floor by sunset. "
40 " Let’s make it short and sweet,” Mama interrupted. “In other words, you won’t have it done by Passover? In that case I’ll send for the other shoemaker.” “Why shouldn’t I have them done?” he said, wriggling. “For you, I’ll put off the rest of the work. Your shoes, with God’s help, will have to be finished for Passover. And no excuses! "