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1 " I’m sorry are only words unless you know what you’re apologizing for. "
― Heather M. Orgeron , Doppelbanger
2 " Yeah, thanks, Gina,” Clarissa chimes in. “Now they’ll all think I’m a ho.” “If the shoe fits, lace that bitch up. "
3 " Mrs. Elaine crosses herself, mumbling a string of curses beneath her breath. The sign of the cross and a string of profanities… that about sums this woman up perfectly, God love her. "
4 " H—his hand is all up under there, and he’s poking his ball sack, so I’m all, ‘What the hell are you doing, Kyle?’ and he lifts his head, serious as shit, and says, ‘Remember when I told you I losed my marbles? I musta swallowed two of ’em, cuz I found ’em. They’re in my nuts!’ "
5 " my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces for this man, who lost the love of his life. "
6 " She’s not in love,” Spence answers in a mocking tone. “The girl done went and got dickstruck. "
7 " This vacation is the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. Vangie’s got a boyfriend, I twisted my ankle, my dick got puked on, and I was sexually harassed by a fucking dolphin. "
8 " You’d think I’d enjoy having the chance to go out and hook up, but I’m left feeling so hollow the next morning. It’s at those times I miss my wife more than ever—where I mourn the intimacy that goes along with sex when there are feelings involved. "
9 " our cruise director just happened to be recruiting eight men to compete in a lip sync battle. "
10 " rendition of “Supermodel (You Better Work)” by none other than RuPaul! "
11 " I fall forward, in what feels like slow motion, landing with my face right in the lap of an older gentleman sporting a bright blue Speedo. To make matters worse—you mean it actually gets worse than a face full of wrinkled, hairy balls? Yes. Yes, it does, because I can’t get up. Blinding pain shoots up my leg from my rolled ankle. "