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61 " Sometimes I feel empty like a new canvas. "
― Emery Lord , When We Collided
62 " Jonah's stare stays out over the water. "I keep wondering if it'll ever hurt less. This... this whole in our lives.""Oh, I imagine it'll hurt less eventually. I think there will always be a hole, though. But lace is one of the most beautiful fabrics, you know. All those holes and gaps, but it's still completed somehow-still lovely. "
63 " The morning sun has edged past the horizon line, casting shadows of the leaves like lace on the sidewalk. Flowers burst throughout every inch of the town- fuschia roses crawling over trellises, forsythia blazing like yellow fireworks. As I walk down the sidewalk, the trees undress above me, dropping pale pink petals like a slow burlesque. "
64 " God, Jonah, keep up. "
65 " I don't feel like being touched by anyone or anything except the clouds. "
66 " I take a step closer to her because that's my impulse—to be near her. "
67 " His smile doesn't hide his own aching chest. "
68 " She rediscovered me under all that rubble, and that means I'll always be a little bit hers. "
69 " To the deepest, most cellular level of my being, I resent people who believe that depression is the same as weakness, that "sad" people must be coddled like helpless toddlers. "
70 " Give your family kisses from me, will you? I think I fell for all seven of you a little more every day. But mostly you, Jonah. Mostly, madly, beautifully you. "
71 " My eyes fill, hot with tears. Because, apparently, casual crying is just something that I do now. "
72 " I close my eyes, trying to decipher how it feels. "
73 " A single yellow flag beats against the ocean wind, and the sky stretches for every mile of ocean, and then longer and farther. We're the only people as far as the eye can see, and all the world feels like a private show, screened on the endless black sky. The universe is unfurling its whole self to us, arms wide and beckoning. "
74 " A nightmare, a memory. A thing can be both.I stare up at the ceiling. White, white, white. The emptiness of it aches. "
75 " And I love math because there's always a right answer. It's not interpretive; it's not subjective. There is a correct destination, even if you have to hack through confusing parts to get there. That's not always true in life. "
76 " Last year, they curled their inky arms around me until my Technicolor world became crackling gray static. Until I felt nothing but blankness. "
77 " I'm just so tired. I'm so, so tired all the time.' A tear slips down her face, all the way down till it drops off her chin, and she doesn't brush its trail away.And I remember being in that jungle, lost in the darkest, wildest part of it, where fearsome beasts and carnivorous plants lurk between every tree. All I could do was lie down on the wet leaves. Bugs crawled up my legs, and I couldn't care enough to brush them off. "
78 " My brain, my body, my whole life was on fast-forward and I couldn't push stop or even pause. How low it got after, living with what had happened. And then how numb. How much I missed feeling music in my bones. "
79 " Every once in a while, her temper flashes. It's like she's exhausted from beating down her demons. "
80 " I felt so sad that it felt like my rib cage was collapsing in on itself. "