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21 " By seventh grade, the notes stopped and it was assumed that I’d know how to fend for myself for dinner if there was a ten-dollar bill on the table. There were three dinner options at my house. In reverse order of preference: Number three—broiled chicken dusted with paprika. Number two—ten on the table. And number one—dinner with Mom and her boyfriend, David, at a five-star restaurant. "
― Jennifer Coburn , Tales From The Crib
22 " All right already! Eating will be challenging, are you happy?” “In general or at the moment?” “Good God, Mother! "
23 " At first I thought Jack was full of shit. I mean, who hasn’t heard the married guy telling her that he and his wife have an arrangement, right?” she said. I haven’t. No married guys have ever hit on me, even when I was single. “Oh my God, tell me about it,” I rolled my eyes in disgusted solidarity. “Men are such pigs.” “Jack wasn’t, though. He kept asking if I wanted to talk to you, or get a note or whatnot.” He what?! He offered to have me sign an infidelity permission slip? To Whom It May Concern: I, Lucy Klein, being of questionable mind and body, give my blessing to any woman of consenting age to engage in romantic and/or sexual relations with my estranged husband who just so happens to live with our infant son and me. "
24 " For ten-on-the-table nights, I memorized the take-out menus of every restaurant within a ten-block radius of West Eleventh Street, which was no small task. "
25 " Challenging, darling,” Anjoli corrected. “Release the struggle consciousness. Challenges can be overcome. One can rise to a challenge. Difficulty sounds so hopeless. Words are affirmations. Affirmations are manifestations. Manifestations—” “All right already! Eating will be challenging, are you happy?” “In general or at the moment?” “Good God, Mother! "
26 " Ask any single parent whether they’d like an extra set of hands around the house and they’d take it.” They’d take it if it weren’t the set of hands belonging to the rat bastard who asked for a divorce the same day the pregnancy test read positive. "
27 " A longevity cocktail is a patented weight-loss formula consisting of ...” Olivia said, pausing for us to take notes, “hot purified water with lemon juice and psyllium husks. Stirred briskly.” Randy added, “You’ve got to stir briskly.” Zoe leaned in and asked, “Isn’t that Metamucil?” The chubby gangster girl heard Zoe and demanded to know if this was accurate. “Metamucil is a brand name,” Olivia said. “It’s a kind of psyllium husk,” Randy said, adding her usual nothing to the discussion. "
28 " Even the men were better groomed than I was. Kimmy’s queer brigade wears purposefully sloppy hair and uses special shavers that leave rugged day-old stubble. "