27
" That’s very trusting.” Iris watches Anke search our backpacks.
“We’re saving people’s lives. We thought we could be,”Anke says. I’m more fixated on her arm in my backpack than on what she’s saying, though. That bag is nearly empty, but it’s mine. She’s messing it up. Her hands might not even be clean.
When she does stop, I immediately wish she hadn’t. “Denise,” she says, “I need to search your bed next.”
My gaze flicks to my pillow. “I. I. Could I.”
“She doesn’t like people touching her bed.” Iris stands, guarding me.
“You’re touching it,” Captain Van Zand’s brother says.
Iris shoots him a withering look. “I sat at the foot, which is the only place that’s OK for even me to touch, and I’m her sister.”
Anke’s sigh sounds closer to a hiss. “Look, we have more rooms to search.”
I squirm. No. Not squirm. I’m rocking. Back and forth. “Wait,” I say.
“You can’t—” Iris goes on.
“Just ’cause she’s too precious to—” the man argues.
“Wait,” I repeat, softer this time, so soft that I’m not even sure Iris hears it. “Can I, can I just, wait. I can lift the sheets and mattress myself. You can look. Right? Is that good? Right? Is that good? If I lift them?” I force my jaw shut.
No one says anything for several moments. I can’t tell if Anke is thinking of a counterargument or if she really is trying to make this work. Her lips tighten. “OK. If you listen to my instructions exactly.”
“You’re indulging her?” Captain Van Zand’s brother says. “She’s just being difficult. Have you ever seen an autistic kid? Trust me, they’re not the kind to take water scooters into the city like she did.”
“Denise, just get it done,” Anke snaps.
I don’t stand until they’re far enough away from the bed, as if they might jump at me and touch the bed themselves regardless. I blink away tears. It’s dumb, I know that—I’m treating Anke’s hands like some kind of nuclear hazard—but this is my space, mine, and too little is left that’s mine as is. I can’t even face Iris. With the way she tried to help, it feels as though I’m betraying her by offering this solution myself.
I keep my head low and follow Anke’s orders one-handed. Take off both the satin and regular pillowcases, show her the pillow, shake it (although I tell her she can feel the pillow herself: that’s OK, since the pillowcases will cover it again anyway)—lift the sheets, shake them, lift the mattress long enough for her to shine her light underneath, let her feel the mattress (which is OK, too, since she’s just touching it from the bottom) . . .
They tell us to stay in our room for another hour.
I wash my hands, straighten the sheets, wash my hands again, and wrap the pillow in its cases.
“That was a good solution,” Iris says.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“For what?”
Being difficult. Not letting her help me. I keep my eyes on the sheets as I make the bed and let out a small laugh. "
― Corinne Duyvis , On the Edge of Gone
28
" Today you are young.your beauty attract every man
But the day when you will feel older yourself
when you will feel magic of body vanish
On that day time will remind you,that man who fall in love with your soul
but you will not find him,because you killed him in All
The day when you will feel wrinkles on your skin
and will understand,no one want to touch it,not soft any more
On that day time will remind that man
who die for aroma of your skin,for him its always remain best fragrance
But you will not find him, because you killed him by your ignorance
The day you will feel,you are now not able to feed sex hunger
and you will understand men around you but not with you
On that day time will remind you that man
who never hungry for your body,who just feed love and emotions
to your soul and to your heart
But you will not find him,because,
you killed him by put your betrayed knife in his heart
maybe it will not happen,maybe your life will full of love
maybe you will never remember past.maybe you will forget All
But on the day when you will die,and your loving people will bury you
inside your grave,when you will realize,
all that who loves you,all that with you spend days & nights
all that for whom you cooked you serve,all that whose bed you warm
all that who impress by your beauty,all that who claim to love you
they all buried you here alone and gone
in that your loneliness,time will remind you,that man
who just dream to lay with you inside your grave,
who dream to bury together in one grave
But you will not find him
That day will realize you,whom you killed
That day will realize you,you killed a man
who don't wanted to be just partner of you life but to partner of your death
who don't wanted to be just partner of your bed but to partner of your grave
Then you will realize you betrayed killed,partner of your grave
Partner Of Your Grave, "
― Mohammed Zaki Ansari , "Zaki's Gift Of Love"
32
" During the year of 2015 stay grounded. How? Each night before you go to sleep, write a word/expression capturing a positive state of mind on a sheet of paper. Fold the paper in a V and prop it on your nightstand beside your bed so you will see it the first thing in the morning.
When you wake up, look at the word, put the word into your mind and feel it/express it throughout the day, no matter what happens to you that day. Examples are: appreciation, look for the positive in others and events; happy, worthiness, creative, cheerful, forgiving, gratitude, letting go of your ego and focus on others, selfless, love, kindness, etc. "
― , A Woman's Pleasure
36
" There are two types of fear:
There is a fear of something that is presently before you, be it a monster under your bed or a knife welding maniac pounding his fist through your door. It’s a fear that you recognize as a fear that is approaching you at the very moment. It may not even be something drastic, it could very well be that the fear before you may be a confrontation with an enemy, a fear of heights or even a fear of tuna (trust me, it exists). Regardless, the fear is in your face and it's not going anywhere.
The second type of fear is a type of in which you do not see a reaction right away, or in some cases, ever. You make work on something your entire life and fear the outcome, but the outcome may only catch up with you years down the road. This fear seems to come in more forms than we mere mortals can comprehend. It is a fear of success, a fear of failure; a fear of unbelievable strength and power. It can crush you under its masculine hand and suck the life out of you because although it is not standing before you staring you right in the eye, it is mentally tormenting you to the point of self destruction. "
― Leigh Hershkovich
