sarcasm QUOTES

3 " Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. " How was REACH?" " It sucked." " Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks." It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word. "

4 " There is a great need for a sarcasm font. "

― Darynda Jones , Third Grave Dead Ahead (Charley Davidson, #3)

5 " I am your sire. I am to guide you through your first days as a vampire. Your first feeding is a rite of passage, a sacrament. It will not be wasted on some hormone-driven frenzy. This is why I wanted you to feed from me.”
“I will not drink it in a house, I will not drink it with a mouse. I will not drink it here or there, I will not drink it anywhere,” I wheezed, hoping I was able to communicate adequate sarcasm through the crippling belly cramps.
“Did you just quote Green Eggs and Ham? "

― Molly Harper , Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs (Jane Jameson, #1)

6 " I love you too, I wanted to say with as much hurtful sarcasm as I could muster, but she hadn't seen me, and I kept quiet. I did love her, of course, but mostly just because loving your mother is mandatory, not because she's someone I think I'd like very much if I met her walking down the street. Which she wouldn't be anyway; walking is for poor people "

― Ransom Riggs , Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children, #1)

7 " How did you merit so much devotion so quickly?' I asked, making no attempt to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
'I show them Heaven', said she, without a trace of irony. 'People are so desperate for light'. "

― Rachel Hartman , Shadow Scale (Seraphina, #2)

8 " 1. Do what you say you're gonna do 2. Show up! 3. Give genuine praise whenever you can 4. Never say sorry when you don't mean it 5. Never use sarcasm in email (and use the corny ass emoticons) "

9 " how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.
Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall.
Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it. "

― Eoin Colfer , The Time Paradox (Artemis Fowl #6)

10 " Keep up," said an irritable voice in her ear. It was Jace, who had dropped back to walk beside her. " I don't want to have to keep looking behind me to make sure nothing's happened to you." " So don't bother." " Last time I left you alone, a demon attacked you," he pointed out. " Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death." He blinked. " There is a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. "

11 " I’m not your boyfriend!” I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body.

“How can you say that?” Sara asked in horror.

“It’s shockingly effortless,” I replied. “My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking.” I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that.

“When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don’t have to knock like some guest?” Sara asked, coming at me again.

I backed away. “How about never? Is never good for you?”

Sara, undeterred, said, “You’re the reason I go to therapy on Fridays.”

“The plot thickens!” Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief. "

― Laura Kreitzer , Keepers (Timeless, #3.5)

12 " If you want to know the Correct term for me, I'm a Dark-Hunter." Nick digested that word slowly. " Which means what? You hunt darkness?" " Yes, Nick. That's exactly what I do. There's just not enough of it." Now, there was some sarcasm you could cut with a knife. "

13 " Nina was about to snap that she didn't appreciate the sarcasm when she saw the expression on his face. He looked like someone had just given him a tuba full of puppies. "

― Leigh Bardugo , Crooked Kingdom (Six of Crows, #2)

14 " Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. The poorest paid architect, engineer, general, author, sculptor, painter, lecturer, advocate, legislator, actor, preacher, singer, is constructively in heaven when he is at work; and as for the magician with the fiddle-bow in his hand, who sits in the midst of a great orchestra with the ebbing and flowing tides of divine sound washing over him - why, certainly he is at work, if you wish to call it that, but lord, it's a sarcasm just the same. The law of work does seem utterly unfair - but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash also. "

― Mark Twain , A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

15 " I do not understand exactly what you mean by fear," said Tarzan. " Like lions, fear is a different thing in different men, but to me the only pleasure in the hunt is the knowledge that the hunted thing has power to harm me as much as I have to harm him. If I went out with a couple of rifles and a gun bearer, and twenty or thirty beaters, to hunt a lion, I should not feel that the lion had much chance, and so the pleasure of the hunt would be lessened in proportion to the increased safety which I felt." " Then I am to take it that Monsieur Tarzan would prefer to go naked into the jungle, armed only with a jackknife, to kill the king of beasts," laughed the other good naturedly, but with the merest touch of sarcasm in his tone." And a piece of rope," added Tarzan. "

16 " The poorest paid architect, engineer, general, author, sculptor, painter, lecturer, advocate, legislator, actor, preacher, singer is constructively in heaven when he is at work; and as for the musician with the fiddle-bow in his hand who sits in the midst of a great orchestra with the ebbing and flowing tides of divine sound washing over him--why, certainly, he is at work, if you wish to call it that, but lord, it's a sarcasm just the same. "

― Mark Twain

17 " You were dropped as a child, weren't you?" Varen asked her." Maybe once or twice," Gwen said, " but at least I wasn't raised by highly literate vampires who, every night just before bed, fed me a steady diet of dark sarcasm and gothic horror fiction." " Every morning before bed," Varen corrected. Stepping forward, he moved toward the headstone. " We slept during the day. "

18 " Enjoyed the ride?' Janis asked, sarcasm in her voice. 'I never thought you'd actually be scared of flying.''Well, it's not everyday I ride unicorns to parallel worlds,' I muttered. "

19 " Because even subversive sarcasm adds a cool-girl nonchalance, an updated, sharper version of the expectation that women be forever pleasant, even as we're eating shit. "

― Jessica Valenti , Sex Object: A Memoir

20 " Universe, tell me about the time when the world was kind, when words didn't shatter the souland leave people bleeding into the crease of their smile. tell me about the time when people wouldn't hide behind sarcasm or humor to mask themselves from dying slowly on the inside. Universe, tell me the names of all the stars in your sky, because I may have met one the other night.His presence in my thoughts, his touch in my heart and no longer a dream but laying next to me now. There are marks on my body from the energy of our light.He is broken, like me, a fallen star. Yet, aspires to soar and believes he can fly. I too believe in dreams.Universe, do you think you can do somethingabout all the lonely souls? the broken? the fallen stars?There are so many of us.And what about the hurt? the pain? the restlessness?Oris this all part of something bigger, a lesson to be learnt? so we can become a part of you?Universe, it’s me, Please hear my soul speak, my heart beat,I've learnt my lesson.Forgive me.Offer me redemption or bring me back to you.Universe, are you there? "

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