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1 " I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor. "
2 " The cool thing about my show and me is that I'm a writer, and I'm a writer first if I don't have music. "
3 " I know I could be the host of 'SportsCenter' in two years if I changed my show today to sports. "
4 " I worked at a hot dog place, a bagel place, the Jersey Store and the hottest fashion joint around. I was getting too famous to work there anymore. I was almost showing up as a joke. I made $2,000 on my show the previous night and I'm going to go shopping during my five-hour shift. "
5 " I'm glad I had a chance to see great music played up close and live. In a way, that's what I hope my show does. It's almost like an acoustic evening with Mick Foley. "
6 " I'm a Virgo and I'm more - I don't want to say 'negative' - but I'm the girl who thinks no one's coming to my birthday party, no one's buying my clothes, no one's reading my book, no one's watching my show - that's just how I think. "
7 " Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "