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1 " The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like oil from a drum. When he’s in this mode, nothing she says seems to have any impact on him, except to make him even angrier. Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes, and everything is her fault. He twists her words around so that she always ends up on the defensive. As so many partners of my clients have said to me, “I just can’t seem to do anything right.”At other moments, he sounds wounded and lost, hungering for love and for someone to take care of him. When this side of him emerges, he appears open and ready to heal. He seems to let down his guard, his hard exterior softens, and he may take on the quality of a hurt child, difficult and frustrating but lovable. Looking at him in this deflated state, his partner has trouble imagining that the abuser inside of him will ever be back. The beast that takes him over at other times looks completely unrelated to the tender person she now sees. Sooner or later, though, the shadow comes back over him, as if it had a life of its own. Weeks of peace may go by, but eventually she finds herself under assault once again. Then her head spins with the arduous effort of untangling the many threads of his character, until she begins to wonder whether she is the one whose head isn’t quite right. "
― Lundy Bancroft , Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
2 " Sorrow and profound fatigue are at the heart of Dewey's silence. It had been his ambition to learn " exactly what happened in that house that night." Twice now he'd been told, and the two versions were very much alike, the only serious discrepancy being that Hickock attributed all four deaths to Smith, while Smith contended that Hickock had killed the two women. But the confessions, though they answered questions of how and why, failed to satisfy his sense of meaningful design. The crime was a psychological accident, virtually an impersonal act; the victims might as well have been killed by lightning. Except for one thing: they had experienced prolonged terror, they had suffered. And Dewey could not forget their sufferings. Nonetheless, he found it possible to look at the man beside him without anger - with, rather, a measure of sympathy - for Perry Smith's life had been no bed of roses but pitiful, an ugly and lonely progress toward one mirage and then another. Dewey's sympathy, however, was not deep enough to accommodate either forgiveness or mercy. He hoped to see Perry and his partner hanged - hanged back to back. "
3 " The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is: “You owe me.” For each ounce he gives, he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him, even if it means that her own needs—or her children’s—get neglected. You can pour all your energy into keeping your partner content, but if he has this mind-set, he’ll never be satisfied for long. And he will keep feeling that you are controlling him, because he doesn’t believe that you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities. "
4 " Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that’s physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you. "
5 " Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. "
6 " Have you ever suffered a sharp disappointment or a painful loss and found yourself looking for someone to blame? Have you, for example, ever been nasty to a store clerk when you were really upset about your job? Most people have an impulse to dump bad feelings on some undeserving person, as a way to relieve - temporarily—sadness or frustration. Certain days you may know that you just have to keep an eye on yourself so as not to bite someone’s head off.The abusive man doesn’t bother to keep an eye on himself, however. In fact, he considers himself entitled to use his partner as a kind of human garbage dump where he can litter the ordinary pains and frustrations that life brings us. She is always an available target, she is easy to blame — since no partner is perfect—and she can’t prevent him from dumping because he will get even worse if she tries. His excuse when he jettisons his distresses on to her is that his life is unusually painful—an unacceptable rationalization even if it were true, which it generally isn’t. "
7 " When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive in the time it takes to turn around, his mental stability seems open to question. When he accuses his partner of plotting to harm him, he seems paranoid. It is no wonder that the partner of an abusive man would come to suspect that he was mentally ill. Yet the great majority of my clients over the years have been psychologically “normal.” Their minds work logically; they understand cause and effect; they don’t hallucinate. Their perceptions of most life circumstances are reasonably accurate. They get good reports at work; they do well in school or training programs; and no one other than their partners—and children—thinks that there is anything wrong with them. Their value system is unhealthy, not their psychology. "
8 " The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser’s mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit. "
9 " Never believe a man’s claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her "
10 " Getting up, Luc finished his beer and set the empty bottle on the small outdoor table. The sooner he apologised for his outburst, the better. Walking into the house, he heard a thud. Panic filled him as he ran towards the back of the house.He rounded the corner and almost ran over Justin. His partner had evidently been trying to get to his wheelchair. " Baby? What're you doing?" Luc asked. Kneeling on the floor, he pulled Justin into his arms." Coming after you," Justin said. " I'm...sorry." Luc held Justin tighter as his lover began to shake. He rocked the larger body back and forth like a child. " What're we gonna do with each other? I was just coming in to say the same thing to you. "
11 " Day had gotten a little nervous during one session when the doctor asked God how he would handle someone hurting Day now and his lover responded by jerking one side of his leather coat open and pulling his long blade from its sheathe. “Easy, I’d cut their fucking arm off and beat the shit out of them with it,” he’d said. But Day quickly started laughing and told the concerned doctor that his partner was just playing. After popping God hard in his stomach, God agreed and said he was indeed joking. When the doctor went back to writing on her legal pad, God mouthed to him, “No I’m not. "
― A.E. Via , Nothing Special (Nothing Special, #1)
12 " A true friend is like a soldier that never abandons his partner alone in the battle field”. "
― Abdulazeez Henry Musa
13 " Day slammed the door behind Johnson, leaving just him and his partner in the room alone. Day hit the lights.“Setting the mood, Leo?” God grinned at him.“I want to talk to you now.”“You can’t always get what you want, Leonidis,” God rebutted.“I want you,” Day said with no hesitation.The room was deathly silent. After a few long seconds God responded simply, “No you don’t.”“I do. Isn’t it obvious?” Day moved a little closer.“You don’t know what the fuck you want. I’ve watched you for four years, jumping from bed to bed and fucking your way through half of Atlanta. I have one emotional night and all of a sudden you want me…fuck you,” God said in his gruffest voice.Day’s body heated instantly at the sound. He moved even closer to where God was standing on the opposite side of the table.“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was supposed to be saving myself for marriage, and even more so, I didn’t realize you were a goddamn virgin. How many women have I seen you fuck in that pussy-getting truck of yours, huh?” Day lowered his voice as he stood directly in front of God. “Just tell me you didn’t feel what I did last night.” He closed the small gap, not minding God’s height at all, and looked up into electric-green eyes. “Tell me you don’t want me too, and I’ll back the fuck off.”God looked down at him and Day could see the uncertainty all over that ruggedly handsome face.“Shit’s complicated, Leo.” God’s breath ghosted across his forehead.“Make me understand, Cashel,” Day whispered and slowly brought his hands up to rest on God’s waist. "
― A.E. Via
14 " Okay. Do you have something to do today?” Day asked.“No. I want to go back to the hotel and change,” God responded.Day thought if he should ask God about staying with him until he found another place. He didn’t want to freak God out, they’d just said they loved each other, but it didn’t mean they were ready to pick out china. He felt God’s thick fingers under his chin, pulling his face back to face him.“Just ask already?” God snorted a laugh.Day rolled his eyes. Sometimes he forgot how perceptive they both were. Day could pick up most of God’s thoughts, just like the man could pick up his. “Fine.” Day grumbled. “Do you want to stay here with me? I’m not trying to clamp a ball and chain around your ankle or anything, I just thought economically it’d make more sense you know, not having to pay that kind of money for weeks when I’m right here with all this extra room. Then it would be beneficial that you didn’t have to travel to pick me up for work, we could split the housework too because I hate raking the leaves and you don’t seem to mind. Also, I thought—”“Leo, shut the hell up.” God’s eyes were wide as he stared at him.Day registered that he had rambled on, letting his nerves get the best of him while he was basically asking God to move in with him. The man was his partner but he was also so damned guarded.“I could stay here with you, until I find my own place.” God kissed him on the forehead and nudged him off him so he could raise up and swing his long legs over the side. "
15 " I've said before, the number one thing that we have to work on is protecting the gay community from sharia law. Now, in the United States, it's probably not a big issue right now, but my brother-in-law is gay, and his partner and I would like them to be able to travel any place in the world without them risking harm. "
