41
" You are such a stick-in-the-mud sometimes, you know that?" My annoyance faded. Elliott, poor man, truly believe what he was saying. He thought life was better when it was organized and structured until all the fun had been squeezed out of it. " Look, one of the things I've learned from life is that you have to grab what you can take, because you never know if it'll be there later. I'm here right now. So are you. And I just bet you if I stick my hands down your pants, you'll be ready for a little fun in no time." His nostrils flared, and his voice took on that haughty lord-of-the-manor tone that made me want to giggle. " I assure you, madam, that I am in full control of my libido. If I did not wish to become aroused by you, I wouldn't." I put my hand on his fly. Just that, no caressing, no stroking, just my palm on his zipper. I could feel him getting hard within seconds. I cocked an eyebrow at him. " As it happens, I want to be aroused," he said with an attempt at dignity. " I have decided that I will, just this once, bend my inviolable rule about not stopping until I am done with my daily quota of writing. "
46
" Silence cleared her throat, fearful her voice would come out a croak. “Is she asleep?”
He blinked as if he, too, were waking from a dream, and glanced down at Mary Darling. “Aye, I’m a-thinkin’ she is—she’s stopped fussin’ at me.”
Silence felt a huge smile of relief spread over her face. “She was fussing? Oh, how wonderful!”
He shot her a look, one eyebrow arching. “Ye’ve taught the child to bully me, too, now?”
“Oh, no,” she said hastily, embarrassed. Did he really think she bullied him? What a silly notion! "
― Elizabeth Hoyt , Scandalous Desires (Maiden Lane, #3)
47
" The Knowing
Afterwards, when we have slept, paradise-
comaed and woken, we lie a long time
looking at each other.
I do not know what he sees, but I see
eyes of surpassing tenderness
and calm, a calm like the dignity
of matter. I love the open ocean
blue-grey-green of his iris, I love
the curve of it against the white,
that curve the sight of what has caused me
to come, when he’s quite still, deep
inside me. I have never seen a curve
like that, except the earth from outer
space. I don’t know where he got
his kindness without self-regard,
almost without self, and yet
he chose one woman, instead of the others.
By knowing him, I get to know
the purity of the animal
which mates for life. Sometimes he is slightly
smiling, but mostly he just gazes at me gazing,
his entire face lit. I love
to see it change if I cry–there is no worry,
no pity, no graver radiance. If we
are on our backs, side by side,
with our faces turned fully to face each other,
I can hear a tear from my lower eye
hit the sheet, as if it is an early day on earth,
and then the upper eye’s tears
braid and sluice down through the lower eyebrow
like the invention of farmimg, irrigation, a non-nomadic people.
I am so lucky that I can know him.
This is the only way to know him.
I am the only one who knows him.
When I wake again, he is still looking at me,
as if he is eternal. For an hour
we wake and doze, and slowly I know
that though we are sated, though we are hardly
touching, this is the coming the other
coming brought us to the edge of–we are entering,
deeper and deeper, gaze by gaze,
this place beyond the other places,
beyond the body itself, we are making
love. "
― Sharon Olds
49
" Wait," Charlotte said. " I'd like to say something, if I may, Papa." He nodded, and Charlotte stood. Her siblings were still looking very grave. She hoped they were in the proper frame of mind to hear what she had to say, especially Branwell. " I have been thinking a great deal about ... My stories." She nodded significantly to them, willing them to understand that she was not talking about writing so much as about crossing over. " Papa was very wise when he called my writing a childish habit, and I think he understands that, for me, its a dangerous one as well." The small square of paper that had caused such consternation lay in front of her on the table. Now she took it up and held it out, looking at each if her siblings in turn. " Emily. Anne. Branwell." She ripped the paper in half. Emily gasped. " I am renouncing my invented worlds and all who live there. If any of you are in the grip if a similar childish habit" - she raised an eyebrow at her brother - " I challenge you to do the same. "
50
" Avalon is full of desperate people.’ She bites at her lower lip this time, fumbling her hands, knitting her fingers into the bundle of plastic coin bags in her grasp.
‘Are you implying that I’m desperate?’ I say, one eyebrow tilting.
‘You don’t need to be desperate… you can have anyone... I…’ she trails off. Looking up and trying to search the line of shops for the bank. I repulse her, I make her want to run. Why is this so hard? I need to get inside of her, I need to know what she is thinking, what she is wanting.
It surely isn’t me she wants. Not to the extent that I… want her.
‘You?’ I entice her to finish her sentence but she doesn’t, she stares off into the bustling crowds, memory flashing her eyes with a darkness.
‘Madi wouldn’t fumble like this.’
Oh, she would fumble, but not in the way you are, Elli.
‘You’re not her, Elli.’ I entice her again, trying to force the dark memory, the sadness from her.
‘No, if I was, you wouldn’t have wanted anyone else.’
A breath hitches in her throat, she puts a hand over her mouth and says something else, her cheeks dance a shade of red that brightens and brightens until she apologises and quickens her pace. I chuckle, pulling at her arm and encircling one around her waist, pulling her back to me. Beneath my touch, her body trembles. When I raise my hand, my palm touching her cheek, I am sure she isn’t breathing.
‘I don’t want anyone, Elli.’ My eyes burn, consuming her with my gaze. She is like a frightful deer, struggling beneath me with a gaze that cannot quite meet mine. When she does, it is only for a brief second before falling down and all I see is the gentle flutter of her raven flashes.
‘I told you. I want someone I cannot have.’
‘That is a really harsh way of telling someone you’re not interested. "
― Charlotte Munro , Grey October (East Hollow Chronicles)
