12
" You remember the dialogue you had with yourself, you can quote the emotion word for word, as if you’re still there, as if it matters that you can map in detail the geographies of regret.
It starts with a hope and ends with a turn of the stomach: a cringe at the excuses you make for your heart, a momentary forever you remember on alternate days over coffee and novels that hit too close to home.
You cry because you know the point at which you could have turned back but didn’t, could have taken time by the throat and resisted, could have ignored the phone, answered that message, said no, said yes, said nothing, smiled - whatever it is that you didn’t do. But by the time that moment ends, it is over and you are in too deep, wondering why there exists no rewind button for the soul, no second chance for the petty player, no backup plan for those who risk everything on nothing, all at once. "
― Tania De Rozario , Tender Delirium
14
" You know, Piggly Wiggly never could hang on to a night stock manager. Your math skills would be a plus, maybe even your Spanish, and you don't mind staying up late." " Piggly Wiggly, wow. I hadn't thought about that. I'll swing by, pick up an application tomorrow. But if it doesn't pan out maybe ... Never mind, it's a crazy idea." " No, tell me. I want to hear it." " Well, just as a backup plan, I did hear that Sony has an opening. They're, um, they're looking for a rock star. The hours suck, but it's no worse than night stock manager at Pigs. I bet it pays better too." Isabel stopped in her tracks, playfully slapping his arm. " Aidan, that's genius! That's what you should do! I've heard you sing, you can carry a decent tune." She looked him up and down. " With a little work, you can probably pull off the image." He tugged on her arms until she was in his. " Only if you're sure. Only if it's what we want." " Aidan, it's who you are. I've known it since the day we brought that first guitar here. I'd never want to take that away. "
15
" I suddenly remember being about seven, riding beside him in the car, and asking him how grown-ups found their way to places. After all, I had never seen him pull out a map." I guess we just get used to taking the same turns," he said, but I wasn't satisfied." Then what about the first time you go somewhere?" " Well," he said, " we get directions." But what I want to know is who got them the very first time? What if no one's ever been where you're going? " Dad?" I ask, " is it true that you can use stars like a map?" " Yeah, if you understand celestial navigation." " Is it hard?" I'm thinking maybe I should learn. A backup plan, for all those times I feel like I'm just wandering in circles." It's pretty jazzy math—you have to measure the altitude of a star, figure out its position using a nautical almanac, figure out what you think the altitude should be and what direction the star should be in based on where you think you are, and compare the altitude you measured with the one you calculated. Then you plot this on a chart, as a line of position. You get several lines of position to cross, and that's where you go." My father takes one look at my face and smiles. " Exactly," he laughs. " Never leave home without your GPS. "
