11
" So what's your doll's name?" Boo asked me." Barbie," I said. " All their names are Barbie." " I see," she said. " Well, I'd think that would get boring, everyone having the samename." I thought about this, then said, " Okay, then her name is Sabrina." " Well, that's a very nice name," Boo said. I remember she was baking bread,kneading the doughbetween her thick fingers. " What does she do?" " Do?" I said." Yes." She flipped the dough over and started in on it from the other side. " Whatdoes she do?" " She goes out with Ken," I said." And what else?" " She goes to parties," I said slowly. " And shopping." " Oh," Boo said, nodding." She can't work?" " She doesn't have to work," I said." Why not?" " Because she's Barbie." " I hate to tell you, Caitlin, but somebody has to make payments on that town houseand the Corvette," Boo said cheerfully. " Unless Barbie has a lot of family money." I considered this while I put on Ken's pants.Boo started pushing the dough into a pan, smoothing it with her hand over the top." You know what Ithink, Caitlin?" Her voice was soft and nice, the way she always spoke to me." What?" " I think your Barbie can go shopping, and go out with Ken, and also have aproductive and satisfyingcareer of her own." She opened the oven and slid in the bread pan, adjusting itsposition on the rack." But what can she do?" My mother didn't work and spent her time cleaning thehouse and going to PTA.I couldn't imagine Barbie, whose most casual outfit had sequins and go-go boots,doing s.uch things.Boo came over and plopped right down beside me. I always rememberher being on my level; she'd siton the edge of the sandbox, or lie across her bed with me and Cass as we listened tothe radio." Well," she said thoughtfully, picking up Ken and examining his perfect physique." What do you want todo when you grow up?" I remember this moment so well; I can still see Boo sitting there on the floor, cross-legged, holding myKen and watching my face as she tried to make me see that between my mother'sPTA and Boo'sstrange ways there was a middle ground that began here with my Barbie, Sab-rina,and led right to me." Well," I said abruptly, " I want to be in advertising." I have no idea where this camefrom." Advertising," Boo repeated, nodding. " Okay. Advertising it is. So Sabrina has to goto work every day,coming up with ideas for commercialsand things like that." " She works in an office," I went on. " Sometimes she has to work late." " Sure she does," Boo said. " It's hard to get ahead. Even if you're Barbie." " Because she wants to get promoted," I added. " So she can pay off the town house.And the Corvette." " Very responsible of her," Boo said." Can she be divorced?" I asked. " And famous for her commercialsand ideas?" " She can be anything," Boo told me, and this is what I remember most, her freckledface so solemn, as ifshe knew she was the first to tell me. " And so can you. "
13
" Well,' she said, adjusting a pot lid, 'I have my family of origin, which is you and Mom. And then Jaime's family, my family of marriage. And hopefully, I'll have another family, as well. Our family, that we make. Me and Jaimie.'
Now I felt bad, bringing this up so soon after Jamie's gaffe. 'You will,' I said.
She turned around, crossing her arms over her chest. 'I hope so. But that's just the thing, right? Family isn't something that's supposed to be static or set. People marry in, divorce out. They're born, they die. It's always evolving, turning into something else. even that picture of Jamie's family was only the true representation for that one day. But the next , someone had probably changed. It had to.'
...
Later, when the kitchen had filled up with people looking for more wine, and children chasing Roscoe, I looked across all the chaos at Cora, thinking that of course you would assume our definitions would be similar, since we had come from the same place. But this wasn't actually true. We all have one idea of what the color blue is, but pressed to describe it specifically, there are so many ways: the ocean, lapis lazuli, the sky, someone's eyes. Our definitions were as different as we were ourselves. "
― Sarah Dessen , Lock and Key
14
" A large piece of lead floated out of Bobby head, followed by dark chunks of what could only be pieces of Bobby's brain.The torrent started up again. It flowed steady rather than pulsed with his heart. I knew from that, and from the amount of blood, that it was that mofo vein bleeding. And probably more than a small tear if the amount of blood was telling. I thought there had to be a hole the size of Montana in that thing." Jesus Mother Mary" I said, then " Stitch!" The scrub tech slapped a needle holder into my palm, a curved needle and silk stitch clamped into the end of it. I might have closed my eyes—I've been told I do that sometimes in surgery when I'm trying to visualize something—though if so I don't remember doing it. I took that needle and aimed it into the pool of blood." Suck here Joe, right here." When I thought I could see something, something gray and not black red, I plunged the pointy end of the needle through whatever the visible tissue was and looped it out again. I cinched it down and tied it quick, then repeated the maneuver again after adjusting slightly for lighting, sweating, my own bounding heartbeat, and the regret I wasn't wearing my own diaper.We're losing, I thought. "
17
" If you can't, or won't, think of Seymour, then you go right ahead and call in some ignorant psychoanalyst. You just do that. You just call in some analyst who's experienced in adjusting people to the joys of television, and Life magazine every Wednesday, and European travel, and the H-bomb, and Presidential elections, and the front page of the Times, and God knows what else that's gloriously normal. "
― J.D. Salinger , Franny and Zooey