90
" Suicide. It's a very powerful word. I remember as a little girl, I had it all, a perfect family, a perfect life. 16 years go by and that small little girl grew. Her life drastically changed. Her mother was never home, she grew up raising her sisters, her father... lets not even talk about him. He was just a bad man. So she learned she can only trust herself, she met a male online and he made her feel normal once again, he made her depression, bipolar disorder and all her problems seem fake for a moment. Two years pass, shit happens they are no longer in speaking terms, 3 days later she is ready to die, she had decided to troll on a game once more before she killed herself, where she met a girl who 8 months later would be her best friend forever and always. This girl had changed her life in ways not even imaginable. Then she meets another male who 4 months later would be a cause of many suicide attempts, she finally got enough courage to leave him, then later she met another male.. it was hard at first, he ran from problems, but he supposedly got his shit together.. and now we are " dating." And I still get my suicide thoughts, I'm still depressed, I'm still bipolar, I'm still dying slowly,, etc... "
100
" Digging that hole just to see if you are strong enough to climb out of it is a trait we as humans have developed to put meaning and purpose in our lives. But when you get tired of digging and climbing, you realize that life has no purpose. We constantly search for a way to win the 'Game of Life' until we realize it is impossible. Life is a game no one can win. I wish there was a point where someone (God) handed us an award and said 'Good Job, you won. Now move on to the next step'. This is why I believe life is missing purpose, meaning, and a goal. I also believe that is why we as humans get caught up in games, competition, sports, religion, and even war. These are all events that will come to an end with a winner and a loser. They are definite and absolute, they fill that void we have in our lives. Some could argue that life is definite and absolute, and I would agree, however, how do you win? Fun, Love, Money, Power, Prestige? All of these disappear when we die, thus removing all meaning and purpose. So cheer on your favorite team, challenge someone to a game of chess, and pray to God for redemption, but know why you do it. Be real with yourself, because you are scared, seeking purpose, and stuck playing a game you cannot win. "