7
" Never have I seen so many young, privileged, people trying so hard to be happy. There are countless articles written about it, blogs named for it, workshops attending to it. Who ever said we’re supposed to be happy all the time, anyway? We’re not. And the pressure to do so might be what’s making us unhappy to begin with. It’s OK if you’re not completely content with your life twenty-four hours a day. Can you imagine what a boring person you’d be if you were? Going through shit storms, feeling uninspired, hating the way you look and having guilt over not accomplishing enough are just some of the things that make you interesting, relatable and human. Not to mention, if you’re reading this, then you have internet access and if you have internet access, it stands to reason that you have a computer, which makes me think you probably have a place to live, with electricity and plenty of food to eat and clean clothes to wear, which are all things that an enormous amount of people living on the planet today do not have. This is not to say that people shouldn’t strive to better their positions in life, however it seems like so many of us are no longer content with a regular amount of happy, yet dead-set on being maniacally jubilant, all of the time. "
19
" FatherMichael has entered the room
Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father?
SureOne: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He’s here for the ceremony.
Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere.
FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet?
SureOne: No but it’s customary for the bride to be late.
FatherMichael: Well is the groom here?
SingleSam has entered the room
Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names.
SingleSam: Hello all.
Buttercup: Where’s the bride?
LonelyLady: Probably fixing her makeup.
Wildflower: Oh don’t be silly. No one can even see her.
LonelyLady: SingleSam can see her.
SureOne: She’s not doing her makeup; she’s supposed to keep the groom waiting.
SingleSam: No she’s right here on the laptop beside me. She’s just having problems with her password logging in.
SureOne: Doomed from the start.
Divorced_1 has entered the room
Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in . . .
SingleSam: Black.
Wildflower: How charming.
Buttercup: She’s right to wear black.
Divorced_1: What’s wrong with misery guts today?
LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her and she doesn’t know what to do.
Divorced_1: Here’s a word of advice. Get over it, he’s married. Now let’s focus the attention on me for a change.
SoOverHim has entered the room
FatherMichael: OK let’s begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be “Sam”) and Divorced_1 (soon to be “Married_1”).
SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM??
Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crasher here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please?
Divorced_1: Ha ha.
SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO
UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED.
Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING.
LonelyLady: You see SoOverHim, this is where SingleSam and Divorced_1 met for the first time.
SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW!
Buttercup: Sshh!
SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around?
Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don’t trip over my train.
Wildflower: Ha ha.
FatherMichael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married?
LonelyLady: Yes.
SureOne: I could give more than one reason.
Buttercup: Hell yes.
SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT!
FatherMichael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament.
Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it?
FatherMichael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful wedded wife?
SingleSam: I do.
FatherMichael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful wedded husband?
Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope).
FatherMichael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that’s filled in just e-mail it off to me. I’ll be off now. Congratulations again.
FatherMichael has left the room
Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope!
Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here.
SoOverHim: Freaks.
SoOverHim has left the room "
― Cecelia Ahern , Love, Rosie