" If they had been able to find their way to an out-of-the-box place, they could have pondered their situations anew by asking a series of questions.” Walking to the board and beginning to write, he said, “Like these:” • What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group? • In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than, and need-to-be-seen-as boxes obscuring the truth about others and myself and interfering with potential solutions? • What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help? "

― The Arbinger Institute , The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict