QUOTE : Otherwise it seems that I won’t survive the week. And every day this self-deception gains such momentum that by evening I go to bed as if in a drunken stupor, almost completely certain that something will happen during the night. I cross myself firmly and furiously. I pray with such force that my body hurts. It seems that God, or a miracle, or the heavenly powers cannot but help us. I fall asleep, exhausted from the unbelievable fervor with which I have begged for an end to the Bolsheviks.