" useful to see that the ego gets something from judging. It gets to feel superior, right, and separate. It takes pleasure in feeling this way. Notice that this pleasure is the payoff for judging. If there were no payoff, it would be easy to stop judging. Notice the self-righteousness and superiority you feel when you find something to criticize in someone. This is the payoff that is exchanged for love. Is it worth it? You need to decide because you can’t have both. Once you are convinced that love is worth passing up this payoff, you will have to catch the judgments before they are spoken. You will have to be aware enough to notice that conditioning has been triggered and that a choice needs to be made to give the conditioning your attention or not. If you give it your attention, the result will probably be a judgment. If you don’t, the result will likely be love. "
― Gina Lake , Choosing Love: Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships