" in the heat of the moment, we can slow down and ask ourselves these questions: • Why is the other person acting this way? What does he need? • Why am I acting this way? What do I need? • Is there some way we could solve the problem and meet both our needs? • Is there an underlying common need? The more emotionally charged the situation, the more we need to stay focused on our goals. "

― Melody Beattie , Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time