QUOTE : I decided the map was clearly written by masochistic-doodling ancient Egyptians because everything was hieroglyphics and unreadable doodads.<br /><br />I cursed the map.<br /><br />“BY MOTHRA’S NIPPLES! I FUCKING HATE THIS MAP!”<br /><br />Irrational anger bubbled to the surface and all I could think about was murdering the map. I would show the map who was boss.<br /><br />I was boss.<br /><br />Not some evil, wrong map from hell. I had no choice but to hit the map against the steering wheel several times, grunting and releasing a string of curses that would have made my sailor father proud. And maybe blush.<br /><br />Then I opened my driver’s side door, still grunting and raging, and slammed the map against the car, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, kicked it, and just generally assaulted it in every way I could think of. I’m a little embarrassed to admit, in my mindlessness I was also taunting the map, questioning its virility, flipping it the bird, and cursing now in Spanish as well as English.<br /><br />It was the most cardio I’d done in over twelve months.<br /><br />Stupid map, making me do cardio. I’ll kill you!