" But sometimes, there is no reason. Sometimes you kill and hate killing but you are a soldier through and through so you keep killing. Your friends die. Your lovers die. And what you have at the end of your life is not the surety that you did it for some grand reason, but the hard knowledge that something was taken from you and you also gave it away. And you know you will carry that weight with you always.
'You got there first, my love. I envy you so. For how will I endure without you? "

― Sabaa Tahir , A ​Sky Beyond the Storm (An Ember in the Ashes, #4)