" On his way out he turned and said, "And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. "

― David Wong , This Book Is Full of Spiders (John Dies at the End, #2)