Home > Author > Joey Comeau
61 " She needs you, Dad," Julia says. "She has unfinished business in this world.""What is the matter with you?" Charlie asks his daughter. "Any sane person would have told me to go to the doctor. I'm seeing a headless apparition every day. Maybe my medications are conflicting. You should see the list of side effects on this stuff. "
― Joey Comeau , One Bloody Thing After Another
62 " When the end comes, I hope it’s as strange as that. I hope that the sky tears open and the world is washed with colors that we’ve never seen before. "
― Joey Comeau , Lockpick Pornography
63 " In the end it never works out. You are who you are, no matter what you pretend at the beginning. So I’m not pretending. I drink to ignore my problems. I spend more time with my computer than with my friends. I am angry and lonely, but I can wash dishes just fine. I’m being honest. Please don’t be an asshole about this. "
― Joey Comeau , Overqualifieder
64 " I'm not really like a cop at all. I haven't got any actual authority. If someone does show up to do anything bad, I am not allowed to touch them or interfere with them in anyway. I'm a scarecrow. I'm like one of those plastic owls that are supposed to scare away the pigeons, but that the pigeons shit all over. "
― Joey Comeau , We all got it coming
65 " There's something not quite Christian about it," Tony said. He sat back in his chair and looked up to where his Bible sat on the shelf. "I can't put my finger on why exactly, but it doesn't seem right for a couple of young ladies to be out there in the middle of the night, obsessing over their telescopes. "
― Joey Comeau , Bible Camp Bloodbath
66 " There is no subtle way to mention you miss the curve of someone’s ass. "
― Joey Comeau , The Girl Who Couldn't Come
67 " Live for today, you retarded little shit. The end is near. "
― Joey Comeau , Overqualified
68 " And when our sun explodes and we are all destroyed, we'll be rocks and chunks of I am not sure what, and maybe we'll rain down on somewhere else. "
69 " Truth and Beauty are wonderful words but shrapnel is shrapnel and at the end of the day I am alone with the things I have done. "
― Joey Comeau
70 " Wait," I say. "Aren't soulmates supposed to be perfect? What if you find yours and shes not a virgin, not even a girl? What if he's a fixer upper? What if he has an STD? "
― Joey Comeau , It's Too Late to Say I'm Sorry
71 " Goodbye forever" is the perfect joke, because forever is impossible. Every night I say it, and every morning I see my father again. Forever is meaningless. Tough talk, an empty threat. Forever is our secret handshake. Our code word. Our decoder ring. Not a measurement of time at all. I know this because "Goodbye Forever" comes easily. The passage of actual time is much more difficult. "
― Joey Comeau , Malagash
72 " Wait, wait, wait,” he said, and everyone stopped to listen. “This is about those children I murdered, isn’t it?” He laughed. “Listen,” he said. “If you spare the axe, you spoil the child. "
― Joey Comeau , The Summer Is Ended and We Are Not Yet Saved
73 " Monogamy is defined by what it is not, just as much as by what it is," I say, "We couldn't have monogamy without infidelity the same as we couldn't have sad without happy, or down without up. By fucking around in secret, within a relationship defined as monogamous, aren't I just playing the devil in monogamy's Sunday school pageant? "
74 " Look at that house, so quiet and willing. If there is a good way to die, that's it out there. Graceful and calm in the face of inevitability. It feels generous, almost. Beauty and reassurances are not for ourselves. Of course death will come. And of course there is no good way to die. There is no peace. A weight will not lift. A leaf will not fall. But we can pretend. "
75 " You were my everything, which, upon reflection, was probably the problem. "
76 " I want something from her, but I don’t know what it is. I guess that means sex. "
77 " I get scared thinking about the yawning void of space and the maddening smallness of our solar system in it, and the smallness of our planet in that solar system and of my own voice in the dark. "
78 " Looking back on that day, I can't help but wonder: what if I had brought more bread for the ducks? Did I bring this on myself? "
79 " Oh, thank goodness you’re here,” the priest said. “I think this poor boy tried to kill himself with a sledgehammer. "
80 " I have no use for before and after pictures. I can't remember starting, and I am never done. "