8
" TELLING GOD, “THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR COOPERATION.” I love when people thank me for doing something I haven’t done yet. They’ll send me an email, ask me to work on a project, and then end the message by saying, “Thanks in advance for your cooperation.” Ohh, that is tricky. That bold move is designed to force my hand, to make me sit there and think, “Well they already thanked me for doing it. I suppose I should in fact do it.” Even better though is when there is a condition of speed applied to the request. “Thank you for doing this so quickly,” or, “I really appreciate your quick turnaround.” That’s two levels of trickery. Not only have I not agreed to do it, but I certainly haven’t agreed to do it quickly. If you want to add a third level, get God into the mix and tell someone, “Thank you for serving the kingdom of God with your talents.” That’s church talk for, “We’re not going to pay you any money for that thing we need you to do, but we are going to thank you in a way that makes it next to impossible to say no. What, you don’t want to serve the kingdom of God?” That’s pretty ridiculous, but sometimes I do the same thing. Instead of asking God for his guidance or praying about where/ what/how he would have me move through a situation, I throw him a little advance appreciation. “God, thank you for blessing this book. Thank you for allowing me to sell more copies than The Shack. Thank you for allowing me to become the first Christian author to ever host Saturday Night Live. Thank you for all of that. "
― , Stuff Christians Like
9
" Years from now when my kids are older, they’ll probably think of Jesus whenever they even smell a Goldfish cracker. I’m sure this is a kid thing, not just a Christian thing, but on about fifty-one Sundays of the year, that’s what they have for snack. And at our church, if your kid cries a ton, before they flash their number on the video screen in the sanctuary asking you to come get them, they put them in a wagon, pull them around, and stuff them full of Goldfish. It’s like this little red wagoned parade of wailing in the halls. Eyes streaming tears, mouth full of fish, tiny hands clutching the side of the “Bye Bye Buggy,” counting the minutes until a parent can come rescue them. Good times. "
― , Stuff Christians Like