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1 " I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly "
― Peter Cook
2 " I've always wanted to be an expert on tadpoles; I've always fancied being a tadpole expert. It's a wonderful life if you become an experty tadpoleous, as they are known in the trade. You get invited out to all the smart parties and social gatherings. When smart people are making out their lists for the dinner parties, they say, 'Now, who can we have to make up the ten? A tadpole expert would be very nice. He could sit next to Lady Sonia. "
3 " As I looked out into the night sky, across all those infinite stars, it made me realize how insignificant they are. "
4 " I am blind -- but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as 'broil' . . . I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again. "
5 " I met a man at a party. He said "I'm writing a novel" I said "Oh really? Neither am I. "
6 " One of the ways to avoid being beaten by the system is to laugh at it. "
7 " Everything I've ever told you, including this, is a lie. "
8 " I've always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I've got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings, and a rotten load they are too, ones I could have very well done without. "
9 " I may have done some other things as good but I am sure none better. I haven't matured, progressed, grown, become deeper, wiser, or funnier. But then, I never thought I would. (Peter Cook about Beyond the Fringe) "
― Peter Cook , Beyond the Fringe at the Fortune Theatre and on Broadway
10 " All right, You Great Git, You've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it with concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers, frozen food and supersonic bangs. I'll make it so noisy and disgusting that even You'll be ashamed of Yourself! No wonder You've so few friends. You're unbelievable! "
11 " Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony. "
12 " 1. Total domination of the world by 1958.2. Domination of the astral spheres quite soon too.3. The finding of lovely ladies for Spotty Muldoon within the foreseeable future.4. GETTING A NUCLEAR ARM to deter with.5. The bodily removal from this planet of C. P. Snow and Alan Freeman and their replacement with fine TREES.6. Stopping the GOVERNMENT from crawling up our pipes and listening to all we say.7. Training BEES for uses against foreign powers, and so on.8. Elimination of spindly insects and encouragement of lovely little newts who dance about and are happy.9. E. L. Wisty for GOD. "
― Peter Cook , Tragically I Was an Only Twin: The Complete Peter Cook
13 " I saw an advertisement the other day for the secret of life. It said 'The secret of life can be yours for twenty-five shillings. Sent to Secret of Life Institute, Willesden.' So I wrote away, seemed a good bargain, secret of life, twenty-five shillings. And I got a letter back saying, 'If you think you can get the secret of life for twenty-five shillings, you don't deserve to have it. Send fifty shillings for the secret of life. "
14 " We believe this to be the work of thieves, and I'll tell you why. The whole pattern is very reminiscent of past robberies where we have found thieves to be involved. The tell-tale loss of property — that's one of the signs we look for. "
15 " Cook's comic gift was a public blessing. It could also be a private curse. 'It was almost an affliction,' says Bird. 'At least my mind can take a rest from that. I can and do turn it off when I go home and you felt that Peter never did and never could. 'the weight's off my shoulders now,' said Peter Ustinov, formerly the world's funniest man, after seeing Cook perform. 'The accolade, for what it's worth, belongs to him. It's a vast relief. "
