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1 " When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia. "
― Jimmy Carr
2 " The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now. "
― Jimmy Carr , Before & Laughter: A Life Changing Book
3 " Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine. "
4 " If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids "
5 " Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot. "
6 " Creationists, the right-wing Christians, creationists believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. "
7 " To say that ‘life’s a joke’ is not so much to belittle life as to correctly identify the elusive nature of the joke. Jokes have the measure of us. They change in the telling, defy capture, slip through our fingers like water. And they outlast us all. They are trifles, fragments, nothings that turn out to be all that’s left: the aptest metaphor for our pathetic species’ struggle to survive. "
8 " Common sense and a sense of humour, are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour, is just common sense, dancing. "
9 " Here’s the truth of it: no one wants you to follow your dream. Best-case scenario, they’ll want you to follow their dream for you. "
10 " People say, “Now you’ve given up booze at least you can remember what you did last night.” I say, “Yeah, nothing.” —Frank Skinner "
― Jimmy Carr , The Naked Jape: Uncovering The Hidden World Of Jokes
11 " Actually, seriousness is not incompatible with joking. It’s a common mistake to confuse ‘serious’ with ‘solemn’, and to assume that seriousness of purpose can only be conveyed by solemnity of tone. "
12 " Fear is nothing to be afraid of. Fear is a performance-enhancing drug. "
13 " Be nice because it’s the right thing to do, it’s the best way to act in the world and it is what good human beings do. Being difficult and diva-ish or petulant just makes you hard to deal with, it doesn’t make you more authentic or creative or real. "
14 " Failure is not falling down. Failure is falling down and not getting up again to continue life’s race. – Richard Nixon "
15 " Change is always right around the corner. It’s probably best to start thinking of it as a good thing because however comfortable and content you are right now, this too shall pass. However despairing and anxious you are right now, this too shall pass. "
