Home > Author > Russell A. Barkley
1 " The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways "
― Russell A. Barkley
2 " Paradoxically, without self-control you can't be free. "
3 " In fact, the more you learn about the nature of defiance in children, the less you’ll view it as “something wrong with your child” and the more you’ll see it as a difficult situation or pattern of interactions with highly workable solutions. I trust you’ll finish this chapter with new hope that you can meet this challenge and restore the loving relationship with your child that you both deserve, and that this problem does not have to stand in the way of your child’s achieving a happy, healthy adulthood. "
― Russell A. Barkley , Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior
4 " Over time both parents and child figure out that the more quickly they get enraged and threatening, the more quickly they get what they want—the parents get obedience or the child gets a reprieve from a command. When this process goes unchecked over many months, it can lead to confrontations that end in parents physically abusing their children or the children destroying property, attacking the parents, holding their breath until blue, banging their head against a floor or wall, or hurting themselves in other ways. This is how “No!” escalates into violence in some families. "
5 " Oppositional, defiant children . . . Change from content to angry in seconds. Fight the inevitable, such as going to bed, going to school, or coming to the table at mealtimes, even when they know that eventually they’ll be forced to comply. Insist on having their own way when playing with friends. Argue as vociferously about performing the little tasks as the big ones, as long as it’s something they don’t want to do. May lie or cheat to escape responsibility for their actions. Like to “get back at” people instead of forgetting about minor slights. Are easily irritated. May seem hostile toward particular people for no obvious reason. Ignore commands. Deliberately disobey their parents and sometimes other adults. Break rules indiscriminately. Verbally refuse to follow instructions. Badger, annoy, or taunt people, sometimes apparently for fun. Interrupt others’ play. Seem to have a chip on their shoulder. Can’t control their temper as well as other children of their age. Often break or destroy things out of anger. May indulge in self-destructive behavior such as holding their breath or banging their head. Show little respect or regard for their parents, especially Mom. "
6 " Back in the 1990s, research that looked at how ADHD affected teenagers at work concluded that they did pretty much as well as other teenagers. Maybe, it seemed, the symptoms interfered mainly in educational settings and we didn’t need to worry so much about jobs. We now know that’s not true. As the last quote above attests, ADHD can hurt you even more at work than it has at school. The problem with those 15-year-old studies is that they failed to take into account the types of jobs adolescents usually hold: unskilled, part time, and temporary. Working at a local rec center, fast-food joint, or car wash doesn’t demand a lot of attention, thought, or persistence. Maybe ADHD really wouldn’t interfere much. "
― Russell A. Barkley , Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents
7 " Self-awareness ✓ Inhibition ✓ Nonverbal working memory ✓ Verbal working memory ✓ Emotion regulation ✓ Self-motivation "
― Russell A. Barkley , Taking Charge of Adult ADHD
8 " What is not developing properly in your child is the capacity to shift from focusing on the here and now to focusing on what is likely to come next in life and the future more generally. "
9 " Taking Charge of ADHD. "
― Russell A. Barkley , 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD
10 " Do I have a consequence planned? Should I make a smaller "
― Russell A. Barkley , Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship
11 " MotivAider, "
