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1 " She told me to answer yes or no, and to quit wasting her time. I told her I'd place it under my consideration, and would get back to her just as soon as humanly possible. That's when I made the mistake of mentioning my ex-girlfriend. I almost always gag whenever I talk about my ex. Sometimes that gagging leads to puking. Women don't like it when a man pukes on them. That's one thing I have learned about women. "
― Tony Arnold , Wigglers
2 " Well, like, I've always thought somebody ought to write a novel in blank verse that starts out when the angels come inside the daughters of men and they bear the children which were giants in them days, which the flood wiped 'em all out, but their spirits become demons and have to follow Satan around for the rest of eternity. And them spirits still like to have sex, so when they infect nonbelievers or pigs, or what-have-you, that copulatin' urge is still inside of 'em, and so there's generally just a whole lot of ruttin' going on everywheres. And then one day there's a private detective who discovers a hidden tomb underneath a trailer park where his Mama still lives and there's a ancient codex that turns out to be a book that them sex-giants wrote about. the coming Hypocalypse. Something like that's what I like to read. "
― Tony Arnold , Tales From the Horny Panda
3 " Well, like, I've always thought somebody ought to write a novel in blank verse that starts out when the angels come inside the daughters of men and they bear the children which were giants in them days, which the flood wiped 'em all out, but their spirits become demons and have to follow Satan around for the rest of eternity. And them spirits still like to have sex, so when they infect nonbelievers or pigs, or what-have-you, that copulatin' urge is still inside of 'em, and so there's generally just a whole lot of ruttin' going on everywheres. And then one day there's a private detective who discovers a hidden tomb underneath a trailer park where his Mama still lives and there's a ancient codex that turns out to be a book that them sex-giants wrote about the coming Hypocalypse. Something like that's what I like to read. "
4 " I know what it's like to be a under-valued, despised fat-ass in a uniform that frequents the used sex toy trailer way too regular. And nobody appreciates more than me the way ya'll protect the weak and innocent from minorities. But every time ya'll pull over some poor slob gratuitously, just fishing for some gotcha to fine 'em with, you disgrace the noble acts ya'll have to do like rescuing maidens from railroad tracks and pulling burning babies out of trailer fires. You cheapen the great things ya'll do with the low-rent, scum-sucking dirtbag shit you do by way of economic predation. "
― Tony Arnold , Codename: White Devil
5 " This is the Argo which could still laugh at the foolishness of others and pride itself on genuine accomplishments, before the insidious infection of identity politics, ideological disconnect and unjustified narcissism. This was a town that tolerated eccentricity without crowning it queen; which remained steadfastly open-minded without forfeiting its common sense. Argo had less, but less was more. "
― Tony Arnold , Book Bastard
