63
" Какой человек, находящийся в здравом уме, станет искать себе партнера, говоря: «Я
хочу в отношениях с тобой отыграть свои детские травмы. Я тебя полюблю, потому что эти
отношения мне очень хорошо знакомы»? Однако именно так мы и поступаем. Действительно,
страшно себе представить, какая малая часть близких отношений осознается нами и каким
сильным является наше запрограммированное желание того, что нам очень хорошо известно.
Мы ищем то, что мы знаем, даже если это наносит нам травму. "
― James Hollis , Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other (Studies in Jungian Psychology By Jungian Analysts, 79)
71
" These stories are real, the dreams are real, yet the dilemmas each person faces are founded on the presences that haunt from their past. We see again the twin mechanisms present in all relationships: projection and transference. Each of them, meeting any stranger, reflexively scans the data of history for clues, expectations, possibilities. This scanning mechanism is instantaneous, mostly unconscious, and then the lens of history slips over one's eyes. This refractive lens alters the reality of the other and brings to consciousness a necessarily distorted picture. Attached to that particular lens is a particular history, the dynamics, the script, the outcomes of which are part of the transferred package. Freud once humorously speculated that when a couple goes to bed there are six people jammed together because the spectral presences of the parents are unavoidable. One would have to add to this analogy the reminder that those parents also import their own relational complexes from their parents, so we quickly have fourteen underfoot, not to mention the persistence of even more ancestral influences. How could intimate relationships not be congested arenas? As shopworn as the idea seems, we cannot overemphasize the importance of primal imagoes playing a domineering role in our relational patterns. They may be unconscious, which grants them inordinate power, or we may flee them, but they are always present. Thus, for example, wherever the parent is stuck—such as Damon's mother who only equates sexuality with the perverse and the unappealing, and his father who stands de-potentiated and co-opted—so the child will feel similarly constrained or spend his or her life trying to break away (“anything but that”) and still be defined by someone else's journey. How could Damon not feel depressed, then, at his own stuckness, and how could he not approach intimacy with such debilitating ambivalence? "
― James Hollis , Hauntings: Dispelling the Ghosts Who Run Our Lives
72
" (Jung disturbingly observed that what we have ignored or denied inwardly will then more likely come to us as outer fate.) “So, where did this outcome, this event, come from within me?” is a most critical, and potentially liberating, question. To ask it consistently requires a daily discipline, increased personal responsibility, and no little amount of courage. It means that no matter how nervous we may be, we have to step toward center stage in that play we call our life, the only one we get. "
― James Hollis , Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up
79
" Our story, with its many sub-stories, still courses through us, and we are still trying to figure out what it is, what it means, and what we are to do about it. In speaking of these matters in a public setting recently, someone said, “Why should I bother to think about these things?” “Well, because perhaps you are living someone else’s story if you do not,” I replied. “What does that matter if I’m happy?” she retorted. “Though I am not against happiness,” I returned, “I do consider it to be a poor measure of the worth and depth of one’s life. Throughout history, the people who brought us the most often suffered greatly, and were scarcely happy carrots. "
― James Hollis , What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life