Home > Author > Jenny Mollen
1 " The majority of our relationship took place over the phone, saving me tons of calories in unswallowed semen. "
― Jenny Mollen , I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People
2 " ..reading your ex's horoscope every week isn't going to help you control his life. No, you need to hide in his bushes, break into his email, or kidnap his dog if you want to effect any real change. "
3 " Indulge your inner sociopath. "
4 " Tell this guy to eat a hundred-calorie pack of dicks. "
5 " It's always just a matter of what someone is willing to see and what someone is willing to ignore. I think we are all guilty of overlooking things if it suits our own agenda. But whenever we do, we are always setting ourselves up for disappointment. "
6 " Something about having been with the same man made me feel especially close to her-like she and I had a shorthand that only people who'd had the same penis inside them could understand. "
7 " Crazy” is just a word boring people use to describe fun people. And I am really, really fun! "
8 " women, all of whom come in two types: those who are totally batshit crazy, and those who are liars. "
9 " I need everyone to love me. My feelings of inadequacy and lack of parental attachment have made me one of those sick bitches who can't tolerate being ignored. My parents say all the right things when they are pretending to listen to me. But the truth is, they are more like cats. They accidentally had a litter of kittens, and then emotionally moved on to whatever ball of yarn rolled past their line of sight. When self-obsessed people breed, they make empty people like me who spend the rest of their time on earth trying to gain the love and approval they didn't get as children. This doesn't excuse my behavior. It's just to say, if my parents had actually noticed me, I probably wouldn't care so much about whether everyone else on the planet adored me. Unfortunately, I'm a bottomless pit of need. "
10 " The more fulfilled you are by one person, the harder it is to maintain intimacy with another. "
11 " I don’t typically read books that appeal to women who saw The Notebook, wear things from the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection, or happen to be my mother-in-law. I like depressed German authors who write stories about people whose lives start out bad and then get worse. The most pop I’ve ever delved into was that whole Dragon Tattoo book, and even then, I had to chew off the cover for fear that people in book clubs would start trying to recruit me. "
12 " Open doors are unsettling. They promote tomfoolery among spirits and encourage home intruders to masturbate into your underwear drawers. I don’t know how I know this. It’s just information I was born with. "
― Jenny Mollen , Live Fast Die Hot
13 " (clearly dedicated to preventing me from being raped by Satan while I slept). "
14 " As an actress, or actr-ish, I'm jealous of everyone, regardless of gender or age. Sometimes parents will ask me how they go about getting their kids into acting, and my first thought is never, Oh, how cute!It's always, Fuck your kid! I will fucking cut your kid! If they think they are just gonna waltz into a business that has bled my soul dry for over a decade and snag an NCIS: Los Angeles guest spot out from under me, they are gonna have to pry it out of my cold dead hands! "
