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1 " By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying. "
― Dorothy Parker
2 " In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you. "
― Dorothy Parker , The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
3 " I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. "
― Dorothy Parker , The Portable Dorothy Parker
4 " Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. "
5 " The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back. "
6 " Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown? "
7 " And if my heart be scarred and burned,The safer, I, for all I learned. "
― Dorothy Parker , Sunset Gun: Poems
8 " Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. "
9 " Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common. "
10 " Don't look at me in that tone of voice. "
11 " I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it. "
12 " I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host. "
― Dorothy Parker , The Collected Dorothy Parker
13 " That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. "
14 " Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. "
15 " I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. "
16 " I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. "
17 " The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. "
18 " MenThey hail you as their morning starBecause you are the way you are.If you return the sentiment,They'll try to make you different;And once they have you, safe and sound,They want to change you all around.Your moods and ways they put a curse on;They'd make of you another person.They cannot let you go your gait;They influence and educate.They'd alter all that they admired.They make me sick, they make me tired. "
19 " Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. "
20 " Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. "
