Home > Author > Fred Allen
1 " California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange. "
― Fred Allen
2 " All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it. "
3 " a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done "
4 " It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. "
5 " Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission. "
6 " I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. "
7 " I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
8 " Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. "
9 " The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
10 " A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. "
11 " A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. "
12 " I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me. "
13 " I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. "
14 " A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. "
15 " Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. "
16 " You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart. "
17 " Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done. "
18 " A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. "
19 " I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. "
20 " The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. "
