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161 " The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812. "
― Dave Barry , Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States
162 " Our chief marketable skill, coming out of college, is the ability to write authoritatively about things we don’t necessarily understand. "
― Dave Barry , I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
163 " Remember that being offended is not the same thing as being right. "
― Dave Barry , Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster): Life Lessons and Other Ravings from Dave Barry
164 " That is the Wasp, yes. But it was captured by Black Stache, and he’s coming for this ship now.”“And how do you know that?” asked Slank. “Did a seagull tell you?” This brought chuckles from the crew.Something like that, thought Peter. "
― Dave Barry , Peter and the Starcatchers (Peter and the Starcatchers, #1)
165 " In the old pre-technology days, it would have been almost impossible to replicate Facebook or Twitter. The closest you could get would be to mail dozens of postcards a day to everybody you know, each with a brief message about yourself like: "Finally got that haircut I've been putting off." Or: "Just had a caramel frappuccino. Yum!" The people receiving these postcards would have naturally assumed you were a moron with a narcissism disorder. But today, thanks to Facebook and Twitter, you are seen as a person engaging in 'social networking'. "
166 " Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people everywhere – when you strip away their superficial differences – are crazy. "
― Dave Barry , Dave Barry Does Japan
167 " 2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the train without letting anybody off. This is very important. If anybody does get off, it is legal to tackle him and drag him back on. "
― Dave Barry , Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
168 " Smee you, idjit! "
― Dave Barry
169 " Smee! Raise the Ladies! "
170 " … nobody loves you the way your dog loves you. When you’re with your dog, you may mentally be elsewhere, but your dog is not; your dog is always right there with you. When you’re gone, your dog is waiting for you to come back, so it can be with you again. Because being with you makes your dog happier than anything else. "
― Dave Barry , Lessons From Lucy: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog
171 " The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom "
172 " If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you’ll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal. "
173 " What would happen is that every idiot in this town who owns a gun, which is basically every idiot in this town, would grab his gun, jump into his car, or somebody else's car, and lay rubber for I-95. Inside of ten minutes the city is gridlocked, and what happens next makes IwoJima look like a maypole dance. This whole town turns into the end of a Stephen King novel. "
― Dave Barry , Big Trouble
174 " Which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. "
175 " No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man. "
176 " Never again will I underestimate the persuasive power of a woman with legal training and big tits. "
― Dave Barry , Lunatics
177 " Regular adult Americans are no more capable of doing math than they are of photosynthesis. "
― Dave Barry , You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About
178 " My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart. "
― Dave Barry , Dave Barry's Guide to Life (Contains: "Dave Barry's Guide to Marriage and/or Sex" / "Babies and Other Hazards of Sex" / "Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead" / "Claw Your Way to the Top")
179 " I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. "
180 " I see', said Smee, still not seeing. "