Home > Author > Charles L. Whitfield
1 " The observer self, a part of who we really are, is that part of us that is watching both our false self and our True Self. We might say that it even watches us when we watch. It is our Consciousness, it is the core experience of our Child Within. It thus cannot be watched—at least by anything or any being that we know of on this earth. It transcends our five senses, our co-dependent self and all other lower, though necessary parts, of us. Adult children may confuse their observer self with a kind of defense they may have used to avoid their Real Self and all of its feelings. One might call this defense “false observer self” since its awareness is clouded. It is unfocused as it “spaces” or “numbs out.” It denies and distorts our Child Within, and is often judgmental. "
― Charles L. Whitfield , Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
2 " We are going home (we are Home, already and always). Home on this earth is being all levels of our awareness or consciousness in our own unique fashion. (138) "
3 " We can remove the blocks to realizing our Higher Power by experiencing (including living in the Now), remembering, forgiving and surrendering (these five realizations can be viewed as being ultimately the same). Regular spiritual practices help us with this realization. (138) "
4 " ...in the lower self, love is neediness, “chemistry” or infatuation, possession, strong admiration, or even worship—in short, traditional romantic love. Many people who grew up in troubled homes and who experienced a stifling of their Child Within become stuck at these lower levels or ways of experiencing love. "
5 " Contacting and living from our True Self is the central task of personal growth. "
― Charles L. Whitfield , Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self
6 " The shame-based person is nearly always enmeshed in some way with one or more people. While we are in a dysfunctional, shame-based relationship, we may feel like we are losing our mind, going crazy. When we try to test reality, we are unable to trust our senses, our feelings and our reactions. "
7 " While some accused and convicted child molesters have inappropriately influenced the media, the public, and many in the clinical and legal professions by claiming that traumatic amnesia does not occur in child sexual abuse, workers in the field of trauma psychology have accumulated solid empirical evidence over the past 100 years that it does occur and is common. Its existence and natural history are documented throughout the clinical literature. from:Traumatic amnesia: The evolution of our understanding from a clinical and legal perspective, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention, Volume 4, Issue 2, 1997 "
― Charles L. Whitfield
8 " Nearly all are associated with our relationship with ourself and with people around us. To reach our full potential, we apparently require most of these needs. Growing up in an environment without these needs, we grow up automatically without realizing that our needs have not been met and are not being met. We often feel confused and chronically unhappy. "
9 " Infants deprived of touching fail to thrive and grow, even if they get proper food, nourishment and protection. Touching is most powerful by appropriate skin to skin contact. Experiments with rabbits fed atherosclerosis inducing diets show that those rabbits which are held and petted by the laboratory workers tend not to get atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries). Those rabbits which are not held and petted tend to get atherosclerosis (Dossey 1985). "
10 " Virginia Satir has suggested that we need from four to twelve hugs a day as part of our health maintenance. "
11 " The mother or other parent figure(s) must attend the infant and child so that at least its safety, security and touching are met. "
12 " At this point we understand that if the mother or other parent figure cannot provide these first few needs, the child’s physical, mental-emotional and spiritual growth would likely be stunted. "
13 " 1. Survival 2. Safety 3. Touching, skin contact 4. Attention 5. Mirroring and echoing 6. Guidance 7. Listening 8. Being real 9. Participating 10. Acceptance Others are aware of, take seriously and admire the Real You Freedom to be the Real You Tolerance of your feelings Validation Respect Belonging and love 11. Opportunity to grieve losses and to grow 12. Support 13. Loyalty and trust 14. Accomplishment Mastery, “Power,” “Control” Creativity Having a sense of completion Making a contribution 15. Altering one’s state of consciousness, transcending the ordinary 16. Sexuality 17. Enjoyment or fun 18. Freedom 19. Nurturing 20. Unconditional love (including connection with a Higher "
14 " This is an amazing thing about infants. They can sense that mother is needy, and can eventually detect her specific needs and begin providing them for her. Of course, this carries a major price—the denial, stifling and stunting of the infant’s own True Self or Child Within. "
15 " Guidance, also a part of helping the infant and child to develop and grow, may include advice, assistance, and any other form of help, verbal or non-verbal. It also includes modeling and teaching appropriate and healthy social "
16 " Many children from troubled families have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Ability to be spontaneous and to play is a need and a characteristic of our Child Within. "
17 " However, the nurturing person must be able to nurture and the person in need must be able to let go, to surrender, in order to be nurtured. In my observations of patients, their families, and of other people, this reciprocity is unusual in human interaction. It is not the child’s job to nurture their parent, and when this happens repeatedly, it is a subtle form of child abuse or neglect. "
18 " The final need is unconditional love. This is a difficult concept for many to understand. I discuss this need further in Chapter 15. "
19 " In order to survive, the child who cannot develop a strong True Self compensates by developing an exaggerated false or co-dependent self. "
20 " Control is perhaps the most dominant issue in our lives. No matter what we think we have to control, whether someone else’s behavior, our own behavior or something else, our false self tends to latch on to this notion and won’t let go. The result is often emotional pain, confusion and frustration. Ultimately, we cannot control life, so the more that we try to control it, the more out of control we feel because we are focusing so much attention on it. Frequently the person who feels out of control is obsessed with the need to be in control. "
