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41 " Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. "
― Mark Twain
42 " A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat. "
43 " Familiarity breeds contempt and children. "
44 " There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'. "
― Mark Twain , Pudd'nhead Wilson
45 " It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech. "
46 " Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any. "
― Mark Twain , The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain
47 " In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. "
― Mark Twain , The Innocents Abroad
48 " I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself. "
― Mark Twain , Speeches
49 " If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times. "
50 " Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. "
51 " We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. "
52 " I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. "
53 " The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow. "
54 " There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. "
― Mark Twain , Life on the Mississippi
55 " I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened "
56 " If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. "
57 " A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. "
58 " Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. "
59 " Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. "
― Mark Twain , Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World
60 " The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. "